To all the moms that lost themselves in the challenging beauty of motherhood, that gave it all up only to wake up and realize…”Who am I? How can I rediscover and reconnect with this new version of me?…this is for you. When I reflect on my precious daughter, there are countless words that describe the power of motherhood. Love. Joy. Beautiful. Empowering. Life-changing. In our modern world, you can’t blink your eye without hearing about a new parenting style or advice on raising the ‘perfect’ kid. What about when a new mother looses herself to her child and her mothering?
Some new mamas who go all in inevitably become unrecognizable to themselves. I was there—dropped the exercise routine, let the career go to be a stay-at-home mom, obsessed about all the ‘perfect’ baby everything. For me, I realized I needed to stop and indulge in some serious self-care. Now, there are countless mothers that won’t relate to this. They had the childcare in place, they kept there professional life intact, they seem to have been able to ‘let go’ a lot easier than me. I closed my fashion production company to become a stay-at-home mom…having no idea what that actually meant. My husband and I were right in the middle of a gut-renovation of our new home…and living in it at the same time. This primarily equals dust. The grandparents have the perspective…’We raised our kids, now it’s your turn.’ Therefore, they aren’t the type to move in and help with the baby like so many of my West Indian friends had. Their moms did everything! We didn’t have a babysitter…which is a whole other story. Due to the reconstruction of our home, which my husband was designing himself, he couldn’t help as much as he would’ve liked, plus with the constant nursing, it was on me a lot of the time. I learned first hand, there is so much truth in the African proverb ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’
What sealed my fate is that for some odd reason, 10 years ago, I decided to trust and linger on every word of “The Baby Book” by the popular pediatrician Dr. Sears. This book has been a baby Bible of sorts for decades and countless moms benefit from the teachings and lifestyle of attachment parenting. Guess what? I lost my mind! For me, reflecting back, it was actually what not to do. It’s so cozy to have your infant cuddled in a sling, but I must’ve taken it too far. My daughter and I have a tight bond, but I can say it’s not solely because we were two peas in a pod. My mother told me when I was born, she had to go to work right away, yet I have a very close relationship with my mother. My single mother also worked a lot and this proves to me that despite the lack of 24/7 mama nurturing, depending on the individual, joyful bonds with our children can blossom. Everything is subjective. Us mamas don’t have to go overboard. Slowing down is always the answer.
It was the perfectionist in me that also took me over the edge. Recovering perfectionists come join me in the plight to transform our ways! My daughter never even tasted formula once. (I actually thought that was something to be proud of.) She never once had jarred baby food. Why? Because I made everything from scratch. Yup. I served the most delectably creative baby food recipes one could create. (I had some time on my hands.) I can tell you, I had one of the healthiest, chunky, cute babies on the planet. Organic everything. I drove my husband nuts. That’s a whole other story. Yes, we survived and are still together. 🙂
But guess what. I got sick!!!! I was so lethargic and headed to the doctor only be diagnosed with ‘Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome.’ What the hell is that I wondered? It’s when your adrenal glands function below normal levels due to prolonged stress or can arise during chronic infections. I discovered that Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome is a silent epidemic amongst women, not just mothers. I have discovered that many of my private coaching clients suffer from this syndrome and didn’t even know what it was, let alone that it can be cured with a bit of dedication to radical transformation. The cure required some big shifts: strict nutritional changes – NO dairy, sugar or carbs. I made time for exercising, tapping into spirituality, laughing more, and intaking very specific vitamins. In no time after this lifestyle change, I was back to normal and learned such a vital lesson. I am a better mother when I am my natural well-rounded self. Before baby I was a grandfathered member at Crunch who used to hit the gym 4x per week. This I know for sure…to use Oprah’s classic phrase…movement can and will save your life.
Since that time I have seriously bounced back and have a rich life of motherhood, family and friendships. I have stepped into an entrepreneur’s life again with a new coaching business. Yet and still, parenting is no joke and continues to be my most challenging task at hand. For healthy living, I’ve learned to focus on the exercise that I love to ensure I make it happen. Dance, yoga and swimming and my engaged spiritual practice keep me in check. Open communication and connection to my child and husband is vital too. The key remedy that got me back to health was simple…BALANCE. Do what you love. Reach out for support if you feel alone. As a stay-at-home mom, I joined local mommy groups with new mom’s that had babies the same age as mine. This act alone taught me the power of women coming together in community is real. I feel fortunate to have memories of chillin’ under the gorgeous cherry blossom trees at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens for hours with these women and little babies as we communed about all things baby and our new lives.
My family motto is “If mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” Energy is louder than words. We run the show, so we owe it to ourselves and our family to get it together and set the tone. It’s imperative for us moms to do what it takes to get clear on what we want, what we need, speak our truth and then take steps to move forward. The ‘Beyond Mom’ philosophy seems to be aligned with what I know to be authentic truth. There is such incredible power in women coming together to support and inspire. Indulging in self-care equals self-love. It’s the only way to be our best selves and the best mother we can be.
Written by Hope Mcgrath at www.hopemcgrath.com
Resource:
For more information on Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome check out Women to Women. This resource saved my life and got me back into tip-top shape.
