Because, in my opinion, we’re going into a place where it’s going to be difficult to pick losers in the market. Simply because homes will be built again, the world will turn and no matter how poor any of us are, the sun will come up tomorrow.

I need to do an interview with a stock expert, I think. I hear pundits and read blogs about finances and the stock market and I just don’t understand. Unless you go into futures or weird crap like commodities, you can’t lose more than you put in – there aren’t any S&P500 thugs that come to your house with brass knuckles because you bought stock in a company that went out of business.

Hmmm…I wonder if there are any stock experts that talk to mommybloggers. Even though I don’t know if I’m a mommyblogger in anything but name only since my focuses are mostly on business growth, debt elimination, and investing. That’s not very mommyblog of me, is it? Except I am a mom that happens to blog.

But back to Lending Club…

One of my favorite charities is ModestNeeds.org – it’s a place that gives microloans to people that have (you guessed it) modest needs. A guy who needs his alternator fixed or he can’t drive to work – that sort of thing.

Lending Club works on kind of the same premise, except you don’t have to be totally philanthropic about it. Because you get a return on your investment of 9%-16%-ish … unless you don’t get paid back at all, in which case you lost your money.

Kind of like if a business goes out of business that you bought stock in.

So I’m not sure which way to go on this one. Any stock experts out there willing to help out a marketer-mom with a knack for picking decent stocks?

My baby has been so fussy since she got her vaccination, and I feel bad for her. I’m not anti-vax … I’m pro-delayed-vax. I schedule only the necessary vaxes and then space them out so we never get more than one shot at a time and also make sure that all the vaxes she does get are made with dead viruses.

Makes you hungry just thinking about dead viruses, right?

On the bright side, my doctor is 100% on board with my strategy. Too bad the medical assistant is not, and always forgets who we are for the first five minutes of the visit – the five minutes where she judges us for not vaccinating according to schedule. I just reminded her yesterday that I sent her a Christmas card. To her HOME. That she gave me the address to. Then she was really nice again.

Funny how someone can trust you enough to give you their home address and forget you two months down the road.

Of course, the ability to make people trust you that much repeatedly is how you build a business in a recession. The check always gets handed over to the bidder with the highest trust level, because business owners want to make sure they’re going to get work done for that money.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to sell office furniture, office supplies, life insurance, or any other product rather than services – because then there is something the buyer can hold in their hands and say, “This is mine. I purchased this. With my money.” Instead of the hours that go into creating and launching campaigns.

On the bright side I’m not the one doing the work, I’m just the secretary. Just. LOL

Part of me really wants to make up a fake name like LouBelle Johnson for when I answer the phone. I won’t really do it, because that’s sleazy and untrustworthy…but couldn’t you just see me answering the phone with a southern drawl, “Good Morning and thank you for calling Marketing Curve, this is LouBelle Johnson…how may I help you today?”

I would spend the better part of every work day laughing myself into a stupor. Then I’d spend the other half scouting for leads the way I do now.

Because, yeah, there are leads involved. This is a real company y’all. There are plans for an office space in the future.

The funny thing is we’ve been working at this business for about four years now. (Started sometime in ‘05) and just recently did the opportunities start to seemingly fall in our laps. The people were receptive to the ideas and concepts, and meetings are happening. It all feels so easy this time that we’re prepared to take full advantage of what seems like the best. timing. ever. for doing a business push.

Or, at least, it seems that way.

Okay, I’ve used up my morning break and if my boss catches me blogging instead of working I might get written up. LMAO But I do have about 15 hours of work to squeeze into the next 8 hours or so.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous hump day!

We have the DBA taken care of, and hubby is on his way to pick up the girls from preschool.

Wow, I remember when we worked like this before – pregnancy changes so much – and I’m looking forward to getting back to it.

Does this make me a glorified secretary for my husband? Yep. Am I okay with it? I’m working on it.

I also get to be the accountant, graphic designer, copywriter (of course!) and bookeeper…so my talents don’t go completely to waste! LOL

I’m starting to get to the place where I’m less scared and more excited. That’s a good sign, right?

It might be a fever-dream, but you know, sometimes those are good, too.

I’m going back to basics. Anytime I see a site where someone is selling Internet marketing services, I always think, “If they know so much, why aren’t they doing it for themselves instead of for someone else?” Because, you know what? If you’re good enough to be SELLING Internet marketing services, you should be using them yourself for more than getting people to your website. You should pick a niche and put your skills to the test.

So that’s what I’m doing. Not to prove a point, but because that’s where the profit is, my friends, and mama is turning over a new leaf in 2010. How much money can I make without having a client to answer to.

I’m not going to do it for anyone else. I’m going to do it for me. Treat myself like the best. client. ever and follow my own directions to the letter – and it’s going to rock.

Honestly, I’ve given away so much free advice in the last few years it could fill a book. A book I don’t want to write and that will become outdated too quickly. But, I will continue to give out advice to people who ask for it that probably have no idea that I’m handing them something that could change their lives.

But this year? It’s time to:

• Double the savings account.
• Pay off the student loans.
• Start working on paying off the house.

Standing in the way of my success for those plans?

• Me. (More specifically, my utter lack of consistent focus.)

I am my only hurdle.

Okay, me and the really loud kids I have. Sometimes I swear if the two older ones aren’t being loud the baby is crying. That hurts focus. But I will find a workaround.

I’m determined.

I’ve picked a few niches, some new, some old…all are totally unlike any from anyone else I know that has niche sites so we’re not double dipping or competing against each other…and I’m going to start writing tomorrow.

It is, in fact, game on like Donkey Kong.

Yes, working.

Even though I’ve been playing Suzie Homemaker for the last couple months I’ve been going nutty without something to do that didn’t involve cooking or diaper changing.

It looks like I’ll be selling over at Etsy.com and maybe (depending on the TOS) Artfire.com as well. Of course there will be the standard website/blog combo and some traffic driving and all the good things that go with being in multiple places online.

And you know what? I’m not telling you what I’m selling or what name I’m selling it under. Cause it’s a secret.

I’m still pulled back from all the social networking online except for the random fun of Facebook, where I don’t have to see constant business updates or one more person trying to tell me that marketing isn’t about sales, it’s about SHARING and CARING and LOVE. (No, I don’t mean YOUR blog post…there are like twenty on the topic…stop being sensitive…you’re not the only one who blogged about it…LOL)

Almost anyone paying their mortgage is targeting customers like a freakin’ hunter in a forest. Want to know why? Because most customers are part of a herd. If you have to sell with sharing, caring, and love to get a sale…you’re selling to a really freakin’ small demographic – only a fraction of a percentage of which even have the money to buy your product or service. Love is awesome, but it is not the #1 go-to strategy for paying the bills. I’m not saying it can’t be done…just that it’s more difficult than traditional, effective, proven marketing techniques. (of course this varies based on what you sell, if it’s a product or service, who your demographic is, what your price point is – and a whole bunch of other stuff – I’m not trying to say what I’m saying is true for everyone, everywhere, everytime)

But whether your demographic has money or not – they WILL tell you how you should be running your business. So beware! Especially if you’re using social sites to promote your business. There are so many damn social media consultants out there – some of whom don’t even know that tagging pictures can be kind of a good thing – that it is difficult to NOT get advice about your business. (Remember, the first hit is always free…LOL)

One of my favorite movie quotes is from American Beauty, “In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times…” It’s like the Internet business owner’s mantra, and it’s kinda gross. I mean, if you look at my blog I’ll tell you about my debt, I’ll tell you when I don’t have money…but once I started doing really well…the money posts kind of dried up. Because I’m not into bragging or posting my paypal or bank account screenshots to show how much I made. Mostly because social media only gave me the connections to make that money. I had to SELL to actually score the cash in the account.

But the quote also reminds me that while there are some super successful people out there (like Ali Brown) that does not mean that everyone who seems uber successful actually are. In most cases there is no real way to find out unless you know them or know someone who knows them. Any more than one reliable degree of separation and there’s no way to verify or know for sure if who you’re talking to is the real deal.

Because good social networking and pink candy kisses and rainbows marketing is all well and good – but if you’re in it for a paycheck, you need to make sure your target is good, your advice is good, and your gun is loaded for bear.

As much as I love all of my readers, who are smart, funny, caring, and wonderful – I’m not selling to you. I’m selling to the person who bumped into you yesterday in the store and didn’t say excuse me. I’m selling to the guy who took up a parking space and a half because he was too lazy to back out and line the hell up into the space. I’m talking to the mom who is letting her kid yell at her in a public place because she believes she’s giving her child the freedom she needs to be herself. The people who still don’t get that credit cards aren’t a smart way to buy groceries. People who will spend money they don’t have.

I’m selling to a large niche that lives in the hugeness of the middle of the bell curve (and maybe even a little to the left). Not my awesome “so smart they’re at the right edge of the bell curve” readers.

So there’s your cynical business advice for the day. I’m still waiting for my new domain name to propagate or I’d be setting up my shopping cart and building my site. Guess it will have to wait ’till tomorrow.

Good night, and sweet dreams you smart, well-mannered, awesome people!

Oh, and I made the best cream of potato soup ever last week. It tasted the way I always wish it would when I order it from a diner. Just…perfect. Knowing I did that was a feeling I want to have again and again. Yea for homemade!

My goal in life is usually to try and keep everything around me as familiar as possible. Sure, things come up and new jobs are acquired which change up everyone’s routine…those are stressful, but also exciting because who knows where those paths will lead?

One of the things I have been thinking about is the mall job I just took on – about 60 people interviewed for 7 part-time, holiday positions. I’m thinking the economy hasn’t been recovering as much as the television would have me believe.

It’s kind of scary to know that many people competed for a job that only pays a nudge above minimum wage. If I don’t need the money, does that mean I took the job from someone who may have needed it to pay rent or feed kids or something really important? It’s something I can’t know, but at the same time if I was a good enough fit to not even need an interview, maybe I shouldn’t borrow trouble or worry. I’m not the only one who got hired…maybe one of the other six took the job from the person who needed it the most.

My kitchen remodel is almost done. I’m SO excited. We got these beautiful oil-brushed bronze pull-knobs for the drawers and cabinets – they will coordinate with the light switch covers and outlet covers.

Even better? I measured the countertop and I will have five and a half feet of counter space. In a row. Usable, awesome counter space. I am going to cook like a madwoman this holiday season. Because nothing makes me want to cook like having a great place to do it – know what I mean?

But even with all the enjoyment and happiness there is this little hint of a feeling inside me. It’s like a churning kind of feeling. The paranoia that comes with not actively working. Sure, I should be working soon…but I’m not right. this. second. and that worries me on a deep level.

It also worries me that I may never be happy being a housewife unless I have some way of bringing in income. This probably comes from my great-grandmother who raised me with a few primary beliefs:

1. Don’t rely on anyone else to take care of you. Marriage is about partnership, but if something happens, you need to be able to take care of yourself and your family solo.
2. Women weren’t meant to sit around taking care of babies. They will never be truly happy unless they can provide for those children with more than hair and makeup and a pleasant attitude to make sure they get fed. (Sounds a lot like #1 now that I write it down – she was an ace at reinforcing her beliefs!)

So I’m trapped in this place where I don’t know if my feelings are my own or if they are just a remnant of my childhood teaching. Great-gramma also taught me that nothing is ever good enough – things can always be improved or done in a better way. So, even if I am taking care of my children and making an income it probably won’t feel like enough.

But how do you recalibrate your soul for the proper definition of “enough”? I don’t see how that’s even possible.

I’m torn. Thrilled to be a great parent to my children, enjoying letting my husband take the lead and letting him support the family…but feeling a serious lack of great businesswoman in the mix.

The laptop in the living room is a start. Now I plan on using it to create something good that will quench the junkie-like craving for money/security that I can’t seem to shake. Sure, I could pick a number and when my savings account gets to that tell myself that’s all the security I need…but that would be so arbitrary (I know there are guidelines – 8 months of income … 6 months of expenses … but how do you REALLY know how much savings is enough?? You can’t!) So I just set the goal higher and higher every time we get to one.

There are worse things to crave than financial security, I guess.

I feel a lot more human, too.

Want to see it? Check it out on Facebook.

Plus the baby seems to be breathing well during the day and during most of the night (she didn’t wake up all congested and need to be baby-snot-sucked until 3:30am last night. Yea!)

Sure I’m still battling plugged ears and I haven’t managed to sleep all night in my bed since that first night after giving birth, but I’m sure all that will come in time … and maybe after another visit to the chiropractor. It certainly can’t hurt!

I’ve been thinking a lot about Ali Brown. She was the Ezine Queen way back in the day – I remember she had the most awful website (well, it was awesome when it was first done, I’m not hating on her site or anything) and she was the first Internet marketer I knew that used one of those floating windows to get more signups to the Ezine. She was beautiful, blonde, living in California…and kicking butt online. She pretty much rocks. Another interesting fact – she is the ONLY Internet marketer that I’ve seen that hasn’t deeply disappointed me by being a total sellout at some point or another. That includes the touchy-feely social media Internet marketers, too.

She went from the Ezine queen to a freaking lifestyle brand. I mean, how can you think that’s anything but awesome?

But my problem isn’t knowing how to market a business or even start a business – it’s finding a passion. I am passionate about absolutely nothing when it comes right down to it. Sad, right? I was talking to family about it and come to find out they have the same problem. My grandmother worked at the toll road for 25 years but before that she owned a plant business, worked for a grocery distributor, and did about a thousand other things. She just never really fell in love with anything and then the toll road happened and it was good pay, great benefits, and she just…stayed there.

So it’s not just a “me” problem with the passion – it’s totally genetic. I wonder if that should make me feel better? LOL

If only there were something to be totally passionate about that didn’t involve advanced math, customer service skills, clients, writing, or animals. I mean, I’m sure there’s something out there, it’s just a matter of figuring out what. It seems that everything I can think of has some THING that is a total dealbreaker.

For example…

• I’d totally be an embalmer…until the first kid was on the table. Then I’d freak out and quit. Totally.
• It would be great to be a psychological profiler – but TV made it popular and I don’t want to see pictures of murdered people.
• Being a boring lab tech CSI would be cool, but I have two words for you: Stomach Contents *shudderbarf*
• An attorney would be a fun career – but then you have clients. Prosecutor or Defender – either way you end up with a total waste of air as a client eventually. Maybe a lot of them. Ew.
• A teacher? Yeah, no. I’d be fired in a week.
• Daytrading sounds fun, but no one ever makes money in the long term daytrading. Well, maybe some do, but I don’t have the stomach for gambling. So professional gambler is out, too.
• I could be a construction worker, electrician, or other trade worker…but I don’t know what kind of training is required or if it would be difficult to get a job or easier since I’m a woman. Plus I don’t know how I’d feel being a woman in a blue-collar job. A woman I know has a husband that does demolitions…that would be SUPER fun, but if you mess up someone could die. That would be bad.
• It seems that everyone is a coach these days – but  yeah – I just don’t want to be a coach or have my livelihood attached to someone else’s success. Yuck.

Maybe picking a niche and just using Internet marketing to push it is going to be my toll road. It’s safe, will always pay the bills, and will give me money to sock away in savings for retirement. It’s just…the most potentially successful niche I can think of is NOT my passion.

Because I don’t have a passion.

I’m passionless. (Well not entirely…my kids didn’t come from the stork, LOL)

Maybe I don’t need a passion.

It seems that everything I see online talks about taking your passion (which it is assumed you have) and then the people will teach you how to profit from the passion. Why do I have to be the back-assward fool with the profit and no passion?

It’s frustrating.

Honestly, though, I don’t think that’s going to happen. She feels like she’s in there for the long haul and I won’t be even mildly worried about water breakage until Thursday (due date #1) – but even mild worry won’t keep me from leaving the house!

I wonder how many women have public water breakage.

The book I’m going to get is 48 Days To The Work You Love – still planning…always planning…LOL

Updated to Add: Ended up looking at 48 Days and realized it was NOT the book for me. It was 1% “What should I do?” and 99% “How to get a job doing it.” My problem is the WHAT not the HOW. (I could figure out how to get a job shoveling dung if that’s what I really wanted to do when I woke up every morning.)

So while going through the careers section, I ran across a different book… Zen and the Art of Making a Living: A Practical Guide to Creative Career Design

While I generally avoid anything religious like the plague, Zen isn’t actually a religion but a philosophy, so I sucked it up and glanced inside. WOW! This book is over 500 pages, and a huge chunk of that is exercises and questions and lists that help you figure out what you want to do. Exactly what I need.

I’m not intimidated by the length of the book, because I plan on working through it slowly during new-baby time. There are sections on careers, independent/freelance, starting a business, and even starting a non-profit! While I know how to do three out of four of those, connecting that once I know what the heck I want to do might be really helpful. It certainly can’t hurt. I’m only on page 61 right now, but already feel better than I have in weeks about potential future careers or business plans. The book is not only informative, but calming.

Because one of the basic points of the book is that I already know what I’m on this earth to do, I just have to match up what that is with my brain that keeps screaming, “I don’t know!”

It gives me hope.

Hope that I’ll be able to do something that has meaning once the kids are all in school and out of my uterus. That there will *be* a next and breeding isn’t going to be the be-all and end-all of my life.

Note: Don’t get me wrong. I think raising kids is an important job. I have this feeling that anything I want to do will require either more schooling or different training or something. The plan I’m making now, before and just after this little girl is born, is a long term plan. One that is intended to be an eventual smooth transition between the kids going to full-day school and me at a fulfilling, amazing job or business or freelance career that I will the be able to throw myself into with reckless abandon and joy.

Gosh, that would be nice.

So, fifteen minutes and seven pillows later, I was propped comfortably in my bed and able to sleep. Pain-free for the most part. I had to reposition a few times during the night, but that’s certainly nothing new.

Best husband ever is also at an interview right now. I’m excited for him. The fact that if he did get and take this job it would start Monday after next (the 31st of August) and would mean he would be working full time while I’m having the baby increases the chances he will actually get the job by like ten thousand percent. You know how it is. The more it will throw your life into a huge bushel of chaos, the more likely it is to happen.

Unless that’s just how my life works.

But I’m excited for him. I’m excited that baby is almost here. I’m excited I can still sleep in my own bed. I’m thrilled my husband is smart and resourceful and found a solution so I didn’t have to spend a month sitting up on the couch trying to sleep and being utterly crabby.

All is well.