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Yep – I’m a Joiner!
Am I Really Real?
I’m at a local biker bar (no, really, there are two biker gangs here) and I feel like such a yuppie elitist drinking a martini ( even tho it was reccomended by the owner) – wearing a Tommy hilfiger argyle sweater.
These people are so down to earth – just having a good time on a Saturday night. They don’t think about twitter or internet marketing or blogging.
Maybe they have the right idea-a simple life is one well lived.
Right??
My Kingdom for a Decent Plumber!
So we had a plumber over yesterday.
Long story short one of the kids almost got really hurt because he didn’t follow the installation directions…for a SINK.
Yeah.
The identical sink my husband installed in the front bathroom is way more secure and put together correctly.
How sad is that when you’re DIY husband can do that much better than a (very expensive) professional.
I’m getting sick of being dicked around by plumbers. It seems that no matter who we call, or what it’s for, that there is always something. The one we called before this plumbing company replaced a corroded pipe, but didn’t measure correctly and the pipe sticks out from the wall. Not a big deal unless you have a pedestal sink – like we do. We called him and he told us to go to Home Depot and buy a part that will COVER the mistake. Funnier yet, I don’t think there’s a piece big enough to actually do that. Not that I’ve been able to find, anyway.
We’re giving both plumbers one more chance to remedy the mistakes they have made. If they don’t? Watch me break out my two awesome weapons: The ability to tell a true story in an engaging way and SEO. This better get fixed is all I’m sayin’.
And I have a cold. Seriously, I think the seven plagues have decided to visit my house. It’s just one sickness after another. But this one seems way more short lived than the last one…thank goodness!
In happy news, the baby is great, the girls are fantastic, Randy is doing good (except for plumber stress) and I’m in a great mood for having a cold. I bought some photo paper and printed my first photos. I’m going to be sending them out to my mom and a couple of Randy’s aunts that sent us “wooHOO you had a new baby!” cards. I’ll be adding in a picture of the girls so everyone gets updated pictures of everyone. It was nice not to have to go to Walgreens or Target to get the photos.
Now I have to get with the program and use the Photoshop to crop them better. Right now they’re very what you see is what you get. Kind of like I was using a film camera.
I’m trying not to be a total complainer, but I’m so freaking sick of being sick. I was well one day this week before getting sick all over again. I need to get some better vitamins or something.
Kids and Dogs and Tags and Bras
My kids.
So smart and funny and interesting.
They just don’t know how lucky they are to be alive.
For the last few weeks I’ve been letting those adorable little kidlets play in the backyard.
It’s fenced and not against any sidewalks or streets. I figured what could possibly go wrong?
So when the girls came inside after playing outside in the backyard for a few hours, I didn’t think anything of it. They were done playing and came in to ask for snacks, TV, and unicorns – or whatever else it is they ask for – I try not to listen too closely.
I get a phone call from a friend and am chatting away while my kids drink water and eat granola bars (no lie!) and my call waiting beeps – from 911 dispatch – my first thought is this cannot be good…
I click over and it seems 911 has called me to let me know my dogs are somewhere other than home. I look out my kitchen window and, you guessed it, the fence was wide open.
The operator lets me know that they dispatched a squad car (how cool is that?) but since it’s only a few houses down she thought I might want to get the dogs myself. I told her yes, grabbed the leashes and ran out of the house.
Of course, this means I left two preschoolers totally unattended while I went to get the dogs. Totally a win-win situation, right? As I hustle down the road – barefoot, pregnant, and braless – I find myself hoping the dogs are still in the same place and haven’t run off to parts unknown.
Then I realize the people who have my dogs are the people who live on the corner of the next block – I’ve always wanted to see inside of the house because they have a den where my kitchen is…where is their kitchen?
I don’t get a chance to ask, because they come out and talk about how awesome and scared and sad my puppies are and how they gave them treats and love and then I went in their backyard (with only a momentary thought of “I could so be killed right now”) and put the leashes on my very happy to see me dogs and head on home, explaining that I’d love to stay and thank them more but I have two kids unattended at home.
By the time I get back to the house, my kids are (of course!) in the front yard. They see me and haul ass back into the house – as if I didn’t see them – and I bring the dogs in.
Seriously – these kids are gonna be the death of me. Or the dogs. Or themselves.
We’re looking into gate lock solutions. I suggested an invisible fence but my husband says that’s inappropriate for kids. Too bad, right?
Fear of Success is A Fairy Tale
When people don’t do what they need to do – especially when what they need to do is a good idea – some people will comfort them by asking or telling them, "Maybe you have a fear of success?"
I’m going to be your tough-love advocate for a second here and tell you that you probably don’t really have a fear of success. Maybe you’re afraid of change…or maybe you’re just being lazy.
But how can someone tell if they’re being lazy, distracted, disorganized…or if they really fear being a rock star? Easy. If you think of yourself sipping a Mai Tai on a beautiful beach and only checking your super-cool touch-screen phone for messages from your "people" that you can answer with only a text message – how does that make you feel?
If the thought of relaxing with a book and a cold drink on a beach freaks you out – you may have a fear of success. My guess is that most people would love, more than anything, to get to a point where they can relax and take a real vacation, not worry about how they are going to pay for it, and know they deserve it. I know I would.
So why am I not there?
Personally, I know why. I have time management issues. I’m not willing to put my girls in full-day school and I am not willing to put them in daycare. I work like a dog when they are in school and am appreciative for the break. I cannot wait for Kindergarten when they are gone for half-days for five days a week.
Could I balance my work more effectively with two preschoolers in the house? I’m sure I could. I don’t miss deadlines, but have hired a Virtual Assistant (yes, I know, finally) to help me be more productive and put together what I need in order to get another client. I’ve already hired writers in the past to help with aspects of my work that can be subcontracted out.
I’m taking baby steps – I’m getting there. But for those of you that are long-time readers, you know that I don’t spend money on my business unless the business made that money and it’s there to spend. No credit cards and no loans mean you can’t invest money in your business you don’t have. That is probably one of the main things that has always kept me above water. If I didn’t have enough money, I had to work harder to get new business cards or brochures.
Now I work hard and it’s about finding the balance and making sure to take a break to hug the kids when I can take a breather from work.
Maybe I don’t understand exactly what a fear of success is. Is it a medical condition? Maybe it’s not just an excuse for smart people to be lazy. I don’t know.
Need Help With Illustrator and Lulu!
I emailed two service providers that were certified through Lulu to, you know, provide services.
What I need:
- The one piece cover of my book extended slightly so it will fit the edited manuscript that is now more pages since we increased the gutter margin.
- The cover and book uploaded and a proof sent to me. (No, I don’t want to do it myself again when there’s someone out there that thinks it’s super easy.)
The first service provider told me they couldn’t help with what I wanted and suggested I not do a one piece cover.
The second was a moron, plain and simple. didn’t answer my questions told me they’d have to charge hourly to change the cover to a two piece, blah blah blah.
Anyone who has worked with Lulu can use their tool to calculate the size of the cover and then stretch the cover in the Illustrator file so it will fit the book properly.
The original book cover looks good and I was able to do it. It has the ISBN on it and everything!
I can’t do it myself because Lulu is difficult for me to navigate and use, plus when it comes to Illustrator I’m a complete joke – I can’t get the hang of it. Doing it myself would take another five hours, and untold stress.
If you know anyone that can perform these two tasks, please let me know. There are so many Lulu books out there someone has to know how to do this. If you know someone that knows Adobe Illustrator but not Lulu it would make me happy to get the cover fixed up and then I can fight with the Lulu upload myself.
Thanks so much! Oh, and give me a ballpark on price when you email and let me know what you’ve done or something. Please don’t have someone email that “thinks” they can do it, I need someone that this is EASY for.
There Need to be Less People Following Me On Twitter
You may be one of the people that don’t want to follow me anymore.
It’s okay, we can part as friends (or at least acquaintances) I won’t hold it against you.
Here is what I’m not:
- Internet marketer
- PR person
- Coach
- Social Media expert
Here is what I am:
- A writer
- A people watcher
- A computer lover since 1988
- A great in-person networker and speaker
While I may use some of the techniques in my "what I’m not" list that might make you mistake me for someone who sells those services, they are not how I define myself. As such, I do not want to be part of discussions on how many links to leave in comments. You know why? Because links in comments are spammy. Seriously, if your blog or business marketing strategy sucks so hard that you have to put links in people’s comments section beyond the URL link…you need to go talk to @remarkablogger and get some honest help that won’t make you an asshat spammer.
Recently I had to unsubscribe from a PR lady’s email list (Not @shannoncherry) because her second email was some sales pitch from a stranger and it was not only spammy, but totally creepy too. I only knew her from Twitter and I thought (hell, let’s be honest I hoped) she sounded like she really knew what she was doing. Yes I double-opted-in to be part of the list. I made a huge mistake and since unsubscribing haven’t received anything else, so at least there’s that.
I want a Twitter stream filled with real conversation and links that are interesting. I love blog post links in my Twitstream, LOVE them – they remind me sometimes that I haven’t checked my RSS reader in a few days and need to play some catch-up with some great reads online.
But I’m sick of hearing about the Kmart scandal, the Motrin thing wasn’t offensive, and maybe 1400 people is too many for one stream. I don’t know.
Not a huge fan of hearing about baby secretions (or adult secretions) but I’ll take them over worthless conversations taking place on social media about how to promote and market on social media. That’s like going to an MLM meeting to talk about direct sales – yeah people do it, but good luck proving what works…everyone talks big because they need to show off the plumage and prove their worth.
I’ll give you the answer to selling using social media: You sell the same everywhere. If your strategy doesn’t work everywhere, chances are, it’s the wrong strategy for you or your product or service in the first place. It’s just easier to see the flaws while working in the social media space.
Simple, right?
What I do know is that I’m sick of holding back and playing nice. Maybe I’ll lose all my followers on Twitter and connections on Facebook.
Maybe it will be worth it. If I’m going to go down, at least it will be in a blaze of glory and honesty instead of meekly resigning myself to reading hacks who are trying to tell me how to make money online or sell more stuff now that they’ve got some Twitter credibility and want to monetize it sooner rather than later.
Now to have fun walking the fine line of honesty with a dash of kindness. You didn’t think I was just going to be snarky and mean now, did you? LOL
One other thing – for those of you working from home or running small businesses – please know that just because someone has a snazzy Twitter page and talks pretty and implies they make money doing what they do that does not mean they have two nickels to rub together. Remember all these sites are free to join and participate in. Before paying for a book, or teleseminar, or anything else…do your homework.
Stop Kissing My Butt (aka Open Letter to Companies on New Media and Blogging)
Seriously.
It makes me kind of queasy when I see people throwing around power of bloggers, the new PR, blah blah blah.
Bloggers saying bloggers are powerful is the most worthless statement in the world. It’s like people named Jen all declaring that people named Jen are the smartest. Yes there are a lot of us and we all have a voice, but if we all banded together and banned your company’s product from our homes…you wouldn’t go out of business.
But back to my point…
From business-minded listening (I guess when you don’t call it customer service you get paid more than $12/hr.) to new media PR – this is all the same old stuff with a new bow.
And companies are paying through the nose for it.
- Motrin pulling their ad? Stupid move.
- Dr. Pepper responding to Guns N’ Roses angry mail? What a joke!
- Burger King bowing down to protesters because bloggers are saying they are commercializing rural areas? Come the hell on.
The reason companies freak out when bloggers complain is because we are smart, we are early adopters, and people listen to us.
The same people listen that blog. Other than some coverage on CNN and a few other channels, plus a Good Morning America interview here and there as well as some other morning shows it is a closed loop.
Walmart shoppers that go to buy Motrin? How many of THEM read blogs? Hell, how many wear their babies? They’re too busy working two jobs and worrying about not losing the house or farm or whatever.
Catering to web dilettantes because you think they control the world – unless they are your primary/core demographic – is wasting money and time and is utter stupidity.
Yes, bloggers are important and can bring notoriety and presence to a company’s brand. Heck yes they can! But if you make them mad, apologizing will only make them feel more superior and angry…it won’t make them loyal to your brand when they were mad…because most bloggers are grudge holders. It’s part of the demographic that spends more time sharing their thoughts and lives with a monitor and keyboard than in a large group in a restaurant on a Friday night.
I’m not saying the companies above should have done nothing, but kissing ass is not going to get them anywhere. Equal and opposite reaction, but from a different angle entirely, could have strengthened the brand while not bowing down to the demands of a petty and elitist mob.
Then companies could spend their money selling things to the other gajillion people that aren’t reading and writing blogs.
Throwing everything you have into emerging technology when you don’t understand where it’s going is like being a venture capitalist investing in laser discs. If you don’t know what those are…well…that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?
There is absolute and measurable value in having a social networking and media presence for companies. But if your company is going online, don’t be a fool and get into an ass kissing contest with your fellow companies because small segments of the blogosphere decide they don’t want to play ball with you and talk smack about your company to everyone they know.
You could still run your company and make oodles of money if every blogger on earth stopped buying or using your product.
Unless you’re the owner of Typepad or Wordpress. Then you’d be way screwed.
