-
Yep – I’m a Joiner!
Common Courtesy and The Small Business
There is a lot going on outside my front door.
From a local networking event run by a woman I wouldn’t let watch my dog for fear of it getting beaten while in her care (hi, Lillian!), to a very expensive conference that I don’t think has anyone there I want to meet based on my business model…
Finding the right events to attend is absolutely, positively daunting!
Yeah, I know this sounds like I’m about to tell you the solution and you wonder how much I got compensated to tell you about it, but that’s not going to happen.
If I could find a way to figure out which local networking events weren’t a complete wash for me to go to, I’d tell you about the site or service without having to be approached by anyone.
I just can’t figure it all out.
I have a business, I do lots of work, I have very little free time and what free time I have I would prefer to spend socializing with friends than networking – only because I don’t get out of my house much and when I do I want to let loose and have fun…not have a conversation about how my knowledge of social media can help someone else’s business…and then have them take up an hour of my life pumping me for free advice.
That’s not fun.
Especially when those same small businesses owners (hi, Miss M!) then question an invoice even though I’ve spent hours and hours on the phone with them giving them free advice and not charging them for even a tenth of the time I spent on them.
Because they don’t notice everything I’ve told them and done, because they only want to pay for the one thing I said they felt they could do immediately. No one takes notes when I tell them stuff. How stupid are these people?
Thanks to her small business management, as well as so many others like her…I’ve begun actively avoiding small business owners. I’m not sure how to act and behave, I’m not sure what the boundary line is where I can point out that if they want to continue the conversation they need to start sharing some nuggets of wisdom because they’re being a leech.
Let me be clear. If I wanted to be a small business social media and online networking coach I would know what to say. But that’s not what I do.
I don’t want to coach and I don’t want to implement systems for people. Especially when I know that I’m going to undercharge for my services and still get nickel and dimed when the invoice comes due.
I know this is a mommyblog and the small business owners I want to say this to don’t read this blog.
But my earnest wish is that people, in general, would be more mindful of what they say and ask of other people. Common courtesy would solve most of the problems I have with small business networking events.
Not acting like a stalker (hi, Crazy Yoga Lady!) would probably be second on my wish list.
Small business owners drove me to work with agencies. To snuggle myself in the rules and regulations of brand documents and powerpoints and boundaries to work within. The comfort there is something I cannot even begin to explain.
While I’m blissfully happy consulting at the corporate level, I feel like there is so much I could – and ethically should – be doing locally to help my town and my own mini-economy within the small world outside my front door that I know I have to eventually figure it out.
What kind of person lives in a town and doesn’t help the locals with an aspect of marketing they really want – and sometimes need – to know?
Me, it seems.
But only for now.
The World Doesn’t Need Another Social Media/Social Networking/Engagement Philosophy Blog – Does It?
With agency types talking about crowdsourcing being full of idots and citizen journalism bringing down the amazingness of traditional media, I find myself at a crossroads.
With the new consulting site…do I blog, or do I not blog?
I’ve met traditional reporters. Some are smart, and some are blithering idiots that can barely see beyond their own opinon and search out facts to back those opinions up at every turn. They’re just like everyone else. Except they all are taught to write at a 5th grade level – where the rest of us out here in the blogosphere aren’t tied down to that constraint.
With reporters fired for lying, it’s not like it was reliable.
They just had more connections. Not better. Just more.
Connections that almost anyone can make. People are more accessable than people think as long as you’re not a complete jackass with no social skills and a complete phone phobia.
But that doesn’t mean I have more or better things to say about social media, social networking, and the state of the Internet. What I do works, but is it worth a whole blog to share my way of what works for me when it may or may not work for anyone else? Is anyone else doing it any differently??
I don’t think so.
The minute you turn the concept of authentic, transparent, honest communication into a formula it ceases to exist in the original authentic, transparent, honest form that spawned the formula.
Maybe it’s a totally moot point. I mean, I’ve been doing talks on networking for years now and all the lessons and all the talks all feel like I’m beating my head against a wall. People want it to be so much more difficult than it really is. They want a system…a formula…a magic secret.
There is no magic secret for being yourself and surrounding yourself with people who like people like you.
And yet it is a secret, or business would have more clients and clients would be working with people they like and trust all the time.
So how, in all honesty, can I give advice (even if it is better than what I’m currently seeing) when I know…KNOW…that good advice won’t help any more than the not-as-good advice because everyone gets to the finish line on a different path??
But how can I have a website – for social media consulting – without a blog?
Catch-22.
Help 
There Need to be Less People Following Me On Twitter
You may be one of the people that don’t want to follow me anymore.
It’s okay, we can part as friends (or at least acquaintances) I won’t hold it against you.
Here is what I’m not:
- Internet marketer
- PR person
- Coach
- Social Media expert
Here is what I am:
- A writer
- A people watcher
- A computer lover since 1988
- A great in-person networker and speaker
While I may use some of the techniques in my "what I’m not" list that might make you mistake me for someone who sells those services, they are not how I define myself. As such, I do not want to be part of discussions on how many links to leave in comments. You know why? Because links in comments are spammy. Seriously, if your blog or business marketing strategy sucks so hard that you have to put links in people’s comments section beyond the URL link…you need to go talk to @remarkablogger and get some honest help that won’t make you an asshat spammer.
Recently I had to unsubscribe from a PR lady’s email list (Not @shannoncherry) because her second email was some sales pitch from a stranger and it was not only spammy, but totally creepy too. I only knew her from Twitter and I thought (hell, let’s be honest I hoped) she sounded like she really knew what she was doing. Yes I double-opted-in to be part of the list. I made a huge mistake and since unsubscribing haven’t received anything else, so at least there’s that.
I want a Twitter stream filled with real conversation and links that are interesting. I love blog post links in my Twitstream, LOVE them – they remind me sometimes that I haven’t checked my RSS reader in a few days and need to play some catch-up with some great reads online.
But I’m sick of hearing about the Kmart scandal, the Motrin thing wasn’t offensive, and maybe 1400 people is too many for one stream. I don’t know.
Not a huge fan of hearing about baby secretions (or adult secretions) but I’ll take them over worthless conversations taking place on social media about how to promote and market on social media. That’s like going to an MLM meeting to talk about direct sales – yeah people do it, but good luck proving what works…everyone talks big because they need to show off the plumage and prove their worth.
I’ll give you the answer to selling using social media: You sell the same everywhere. If your strategy doesn’t work everywhere, chances are, it’s the wrong strategy for you or your product or service in the first place. It’s just easier to see the flaws while working in the social media space.
Simple, right?
What I do know is that I’m sick of holding back and playing nice. Maybe I’ll lose all my followers on Twitter and connections on Facebook.
Maybe it will be worth it. If I’m going to go down, at least it will be in a blaze of glory and honesty instead of meekly resigning myself to reading hacks who are trying to tell me how to make money online or sell more stuff now that they’ve got some Twitter credibility and want to monetize it sooner rather than later.
Now to have fun walking the fine line of honesty with a dash of kindness. You didn’t think I was just going to be snarky and mean now, did you? LOL
One other thing – for those of you working from home or running small businesses – please know that just because someone has a snazzy Twitter page and talks pretty and implies they make money doing what they do that does not mean they have two nickels to rub together. Remember all these sites are free to join and participate in. Before paying for a book, or teleseminar, or anything else…do your homework.
Stop Kissing My Butt (aka Open Letter to Companies on New Media and Blogging)
Seriously.
It makes me kind of queasy when I see people throwing around power of bloggers, the new PR, blah blah blah.
Bloggers saying bloggers are powerful is the most worthless statement in the world. It’s like people named Jen all declaring that people named Jen are the smartest. Yes there are a lot of us and we all have a voice, but if we all banded together and banned your company’s product from our homes…you wouldn’t go out of business.
But back to my point…
From business-minded listening (I guess when you don’t call it customer service you get paid more than $12/hr.) to new media PR – this is all the same old stuff with a new bow.
And companies are paying through the nose for it.
- Motrin pulling their ad? Stupid move.
- Dr. Pepper responding to Guns N’ Roses angry mail? What a joke!
- Burger King bowing down to protesters because bloggers are saying they are commercializing rural areas? Come the hell on.
The reason companies freak out when bloggers complain is because we are smart, we are early adopters, and people listen to us.
The same people listen that blog. Other than some coverage on CNN and a few other channels, plus a Good Morning America interview here and there as well as some other morning shows it is a closed loop.
Walmart shoppers that go to buy Motrin? How many of THEM read blogs? Hell, how many wear their babies? They’re too busy working two jobs and worrying about not losing the house or farm or whatever.
Catering to web dilettantes because you think they control the world – unless they are your primary/core demographic – is wasting money and time and is utter stupidity.
Yes, bloggers are important and can bring notoriety and presence to a company’s brand. Heck yes they can! But if you make them mad, apologizing will only make them feel more superior and angry…it won’t make them loyal to your brand when they were mad…because most bloggers are grudge holders. It’s part of the demographic that spends more time sharing their thoughts and lives with a monitor and keyboard than in a large group in a restaurant on a Friday night.
I’m not saying the companies above should have done nothing, but kissing ass is not going to get them anywhere. Equal and opposite reaction, but from a different angle entirely, could have strengthened the brand while not bowing down to the demands of a petty and elitist mob.
Then companies could spend their money selling things to the other gajillion people that aren’t reading and writing blogs.
Throwing everything you have into emerging technology when you don’t understand where it’s going is like being a venture capitalist investing in laser discs. If you don’t know what those are…well…that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?
There is absolute and measurable value in having a social networking and media presence for companies. But if your company is going online, don’t be a fool and get into an ass kissing contest with your fellow companies because small segments of the blogosphere decide they don’t want to play ball with you and talk smack about your company to everyone they know.
You could still run your company and make oodles of money if every blogger on earth stopped buying or using your product.
Unless you’re the owner of Typepad or Wordpress. Then you’d be way screwed.
That’s What a Niche Is!
If I had a dollar for every time I heard a person say that everyone needs a niche and that a niche is a clearly defined statement of what you do and it isn’t for everyone, I always understood the words that they were saying but not quite grasping the concept
I knew I was supposed to have a niche and thought I had come up with a great one. Freelance corporate writer.
Like a million other freelancers before me, I thought that was narrow enough. Then I thought that being a conversational writer within that corporate freelance world was super-niched. Now I know that both of those are way too broad and got me into boatloads of trouble.
Guess who got me niched – yeah, it was Randy. How annoying that my husband has business skills I don’t. Luckily, he’s my husband and not yours and I didn’t have to pay for the consult. Well I did…but that’s another story for a non-PG13 blog.
See, before I thought my niche was my “ideal client” and I could still work for other clients. So every time I got a little twitchy and afraid about income (which is often, no matter how awesome my savings account may be) I’d go to the Problogger Job Board and start applying for blogging gigs.
Seriously. What the hell was I thinking? Especially with fantastic offers like $10 to rewrite a 750-word article. Could I do it in ten minutes and make decent money hourly? Sure!
Do I want to? Hell no!
The beauty of having my one steady gig is that I don’t have to act like I’m in the middle of a panic attack 24/7. Well I shouldn’t act that way, training myself to calm the hell down is easier said than done sometimes. I try to remind myself that we’ve also reduced household spending immensely (except for that $50/mo. for Sadie’s dance class). We didn’t do that so I could be half crazy with pressure and deadlines. We did it so we could all have a better life.
Randy also probably thinks we did all this so he could get a home-cooked meal when he gets home from work. Yeah, I’m working on that. Domestic diva I am not. But he totally knew that going in, so I only feel a little guilty about not being Donna Reed.
The moral of the story: When perspective gets wonky, it’s difficult to see that you are the one who put yourself in the situation you’re in.
So, what’s your dream? Mine is to be the Rolls Royce of freelance corporate writers. The one they go to when they’re prepared to pay. The one that doesn’t need to advertise hither and thither on social media sites and the Internet to get work. The shop where you know it’s appointment only and you have to know someone to even talk to a salesman. The one that provides amazing customer service – the kind others only dream of getting – and for that you pay a premium and are glad to.
That is what I want to accomplish as a freelance writer. That is what I am going to accomplish. I feel much better about the path to get there since talking to Randy about it – he helped me find a niche. (Oh, don’t tell him I sung his praises so much, he’ll strut around like a peacock with the prettiest tail feathers at the zoo.)
I’m not particularly worried about the recession, because when large companies are losing customers, they up the marketing budgets and use freelancers, so I think I’m positioned well. We shall see, won’t we?
On Oversharing
There is an amazing article that is online now, and will be in the Sunday Times Magazine (is that all capital letters? I’m not certain) from a former Gawker editor/writer and oversharing. Emily Gould wrote for Gawker for over a year along with two other blogs. Now? She’s writing her first feature for the Sunday Times Magazine.
I’m giving away the ending here, but don’t worry, the ending isn’t the important part of the story – the journey is. I highly recommend reading the whole thing.
Well, I’m an oversharer — it’s not like I’m entirely reformed. But lately, online, I’ve found myself doing something unexpected: keeping the personal details of my current life to myself. This doesn’t make me feel stifled so much as it makes me feel protected, as if my thoughts might actually be worth honing rather than spewing. But I still have Emily Magazine as a place to spew when I need to. It will never again be the friendly place that it was in 2004 — there are plenty of negative comments now, and I don’t delete them. I still think about closing the door to my online life and locking them out, but then I think of everything else I’d be locking out, and I leave it open. (full article here)
How did it make you feel?
My first reaction to reading, before the story started to sink in, was "who the hell would give up the chance at being a Gawker author?" I say this because I know I’d never be one, and the people who all seem uber-hip and uber-cool and so very chic and urban that my one-step-behind not-quite-cutting-edge self would never fit in.
Part of me even has a little problem feeling good about the happy ending, simply because it landed her a Sunday Times Magazine article, that she will now parlay into other articles and becoming a professional freelance writer. While I’m a freelance writer, the closest I’ve gotten to professional is the Chicago Sun Times Online. Which, come to thinnk of it, isn’t that bad…and I haven’t had my public blog drama aired out since 2001. Maybe I’m just ahead of the curve LOL
Back to Emily and Gawker – I think that anyone who can claim those roles (as urban elite, as the people others emulate) should claim them and own them with utter abandon. Really what it comes down to is I’m jealous. You see, I used to be scathing and overly-honest. An oversharer. But I’m not now, and haven’t been for years. Sometimes I miss the oversharing I did when I was in my early 20s – because even though the stakes were higher and the pain was damn near overwhelming when things went wrong – there was always a pot of gold at the end of the rough ride – with a rainbow and everything.
Now? My successes are still solid, and they’re still coming (quite rapidly, I might add) but without the agony of defeat that comes before, the joy of success doesn’t have the same Rocky Balboa running up the steps and screaming "Adrian!" triumphantly.
What’s wrong with being an oversharer?
No one wants to know that much about you. Honestly. While Dooce seems to get away with sharing everything, if you listen to her (even on her most recent Today Show appearance) she has limits to what she will share. When she started she shared everything, and now she shares almost everything. There is a huge difference that lives in the world almost.
Sharing everything (sans almost) can hurt people, and most of all – it can hurt you, the writer. Most people are wonderful and nice, but those that aren’t (the bitches, the gossips, whatever you call them) know that what you write is ammunition. You haven’t been shot in the heart until you’ve been shot with your own gun. That hurts in a special way.
How does one stop being an oversharer?
Boundaries.
You need to have a conversation with yourself about once every quarter (that’s three months to those of you who don’t like math) and reexamine what you’ve been saying, what you’ve been doing, and who you’ve been saying it to and doing it with.
Are you being blogged about? Are people saying things about you online? What are they saying? You do have a Google Alert for your name, don’t you? Do that, even if you only get an email once a month or less from Google letting you know you’ve been spotted online, it’s a nice backup measure to take.
Don’t share traumatic stories as they’re happening. Wait at least 24-48 hours before you blog about any personal experience. We are all raw when tragedy or disappointment strikes, and while your readers may eat it up, you don’t want people reading your blog or listening to you talk to feel embarrassed on your behalf.
I’ve seen that happen a lot at networking events. Where someone is talking and another person makes eye contact with me and gives me that look. The look that says to me, "The poor dear, she (or he) just doesn’t realize what she’s doing" look. Because what she’s doing is destroying her business with her mouth.
People don’t want to work with the sick, infirm, traumatized, or generally f’ed up. People do not want to give money to psychos, oversharers, dark and twisty people or jerks. No one wants to know the check they write you for your services or products (or your paycheck) is going for therapy, medication, or anything else that signals you may be a bad horse to bet on.
Because once you’ve figured out your boundaries, you need to figure out what you think other people want to hear from you. Even if you’re okay talking about being mauled by a dog when you were 12 – is that really an appropriate conversation for the situation you’re in when you take that breath to begin telling the story? Is it?
Be sure, because people will forgive nervousness, but if you’re labeled crazy or a psycho or any other label which is generally applied to an oversharer – you’re sunk.
Partially Cross-Posted At: Everyday Networker
It’s difficult not to be snarky when writers are weird.
You all know (probably) that I’ve shifted my business model yet again to do more freelance writing. It fits in with my schedule and the demands that having two toddlers put on my soul/body/mind.
So I think, “Hey, I’ll go network with some writers, I’m sure they’re a creative, friendly bunch!”
Woah.
I’m in the Absolute Write forum, having a blast, it’s fantastic. But, like many boards that are highly specialized, if you step out of line you get dinged. It wasn’t me that stepped out of line, but wow, they tore some folks up in there!
My issue was when I saw that an author was willing to share his book on self publishing with the AW group free. I just purchased and am wading through the tome of information that is The Well Fed Self Publisher, but I figure having a secondary book can’t hurt. So, thinking I’m being a champ, I not only request the book but offer mine in exchange – trying to be a nice person and give something of value in return.
Big mistake.
First off, this book is crap. I mean it’s a 96 page .pdf and the text is four inches by six inches in the middle of every page, so no easy way to read it. But it is nothing more than page after page of worthless ideas. I mean worthless. I’d print some but I’m sure he’d snark all over me saying I reprinted his work without permission…
Then I get an email back (since I didn’t email the .pdf directly and sent it through e-junkie because I track things) saying “I don’t intend to pay for this I want it free like I sent yours free.” Wow, way to make assumptions instead of asking questions, you hack! It was the free link. I didn’t think to spell it out because I said I would exchange it for free. I emailed back with a quick apology, reassuring him it was free and saying that I wasn’t sure why there was a misunderstanding but here it is.
So he emails back again to let me know in BOLD what his misunderstanding was with the boilerplate text that goes out automatically with the link for the book. Wow.
Thanks for giving me a crap book that’s worthless AND wasting five minutes of my life. He made out way better on his end than I did. He got a real book with real tips and helpful suggestions. I got something that after glancing at once I’ll never look at again, because it’s worthless.
Between that guy and the potential for attack, I’m a little scared of Absolute Write. Maybe I’m not a real enough writer to hang with the big dogs. I certainly know that all the writers there aren’t rude, and all the books aren’t drivel…but wow. Two bad experiences in a row, I think, would make anyone a little gun shy.
Maybe I’m spoiled that all the people I talk to regularly online have the same play nice mentality that I do most of the time. I mean, we’re polite, say please and thank you, the usual humane things people do for one another. Am I just lucky that I found all the people with social skills online?
What has your experience been? Have you found pockets of not-so-nice people online? Do you think it was just individuals or certain niches that are plagued with lack of online social skills?
Turning Strangers into Friends
My friend Dawn and I were at a bookstore over the weekend.
I was telling her how much I thought Jane Austen sucks. Yes, I am admitting this for the Internet to cache forever, I said a classic author writing about women in the 1800’s sucks. (Try and find this level of class on the other mommyblogs. I dare you.)
Halfway down the aisle there was this uber-hip mama complete with adorable baby in a wrap and the baby had this amazing, hand knitted little cap on her head. The uber-hip mama looked smart, adorable, and really friendly…she also looked like she was interested in our conversation – so I turned to her and said to my friend Dawn, “I bet she’ll tell you Jane Austen is great.”
Lo and behold, cool chica at the bookstore did, in fact, think Jane Austen was great.
I was trying to give my friend Dawn an idea of how badly my taste in books sucks some insight about my personality and taste in books and thought the hip-looking baby-wearer just looked like a Jane Austin person (she looked smart, had glasses, had a baby wrap…come on…you know she had to be smart…)
So this great exhange happened where I passed my business card, she passed her business card (she has a home based business…I told you she was smart!) and my friend Dawn realized she recognized her from her job as a receptionist at a dance studio.
Now, I don’t know about you but I’m not surprised when these things happen. So much coincidence that it would make your head spin is kind of my cross to bear in this world. If you find you’re lacking for weird, unbelievable things in your life, come visit. You can have some coffee in my kick-ass breakfast nook and eventually something phenomenally weird will happen to you, too!
Now, here is where it gets interesting. I send an email over to cool new girl (this is her official name until I get permission to talk about her behind her back on my blog) with some information including my twitter address. She has a Twitter account and adds me.
Back in the day before all this new fangled new media someone would have had to pick up a phone.
I don’t know about you, but picking up the phone is not how I like to get to know someone. I stink on the phone if I’ve never talked to you on the phone before. I will stutter, I will breathe funny, I will leave crappy voicemails. I have a very unhealthy relationship with the phone, and if it was just me and a phone call to make my book a best seller and me a superstar…I’d make the call…but I’d probably manage to flub the deal.
But now, in the bright and shiny world of web 2.0 moms, I can be all passive about connecting to people. Connect on Twitter, maybe schedule a playdate or coffee, nice, slow baby steps toward an acquaintance. You don’t have to just jump on someone’s phone and then feel this overwhelming need to be entertaining. The pressure is off and you can get to know people slowly, without the pressure.
Wow. I love the Internet more today than I did yesterday. It allows me to turn strangers into friends without having to rush the process.
Even better, my friend Dawn purchased the seven novel monster of a Jane Austen book and then insisted I read it first, since I haven’t read it since high school. Maybe being older and the type of person that bawls at Hallmark commercials (and Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints commercials – remember those?) will make me more receptive to women in the 1800’s that want to be independent but society is too busy crushing their spirits to notice they’re human. Or something.
How do you feel about Jane Austen? (Book opinions only, no movie reviews you heathens!)
p.s. I would like to thank True Soliloquy of She Just Had to Say It for the stellar idea of crossing things out. Yes, I know people have been doing it forever, and she uses the technique better more profusely than I do, but I never thought it could work in my blog until I saw her use it in hers.
