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Yep – I’m a Joiner!
Almost Done With Biz Setup (and why I’m not selling to you)
Today I spent the majority of the day working.
Yes, working.
Even though I’ve been playing Suzie Homemaker for the last couple months I’ve been going nutty without something to do that didn’t involve cooking or diaper changing.
It looks like I’ll be selling over at Etsy.com and maybe (depending on the TOS) Artfire.com as well. Of course there will be the standard website/blog combo and some traffic driving and all the good things that go with being in multiple places online.
And you know what? I’m not telling you what I’m selling or what name I’m selling it under. Cause it’s a secret.
I’m still pulled back from all the social networking online except for the random fun of Facebook, where I don’t have to see constant business updates or one more person trying to tell me that marketing isn’t about sales, it’s about SHARING and CARING and LOVE. (No, I don’t mean YOUR blog post…there are like twenty on the topic…stop being sensitive…you’re not the only one who blogged about it…LOL)
Almost anyone paying their mortgage is targeting customers like a freakin’ hunter in a forest. Want to know why? Because most customers are part of a herd. If you have to sell with sharing, caring, and love to get a sale…you’re selling to a really freakin’ small demographic – only a fraction of a percentage of which even have the money to buy your product or service. Love is awesome, but it is not the #1 go-to strategy for paying the bills. I’m not saying it can’t be done…just that it’s more difficult than traditional, effective, proven marketing techniques. (of course this varies based on what you sell, if it’s a product or service, who your demographic is, what your price point is – and a whole bunch of other stuff – I’m not trying to say what I’m saying is true for everyone, everywhere, everytime)
But whether your demographic has money or not – they WILL tell you how you should be running your business. So beware! Especially if you’re using social sites to promote your business. There are so many damn social media consultants out there – some of whom don’t even know that tagging pictures can be kind of a good thing – that it is difficult to NOT get advice about your business. (Remember, the first hit is always free…LOL)
One of my favorite movie quotes is from American Beauty, “In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times…” It’s like the Internet business owner’s mantra, and it’s kinda gross. I mean, if you look at my blog I’ll tell you about my debt, I’ll tell you when I don’t have money…but once I started doing really well…the money posts kind of dried up. Because I’m not into bragging or posting my paypal or bank account screenshots to show how much I made. Mostly because social media only gave me the connections to make that money. I had to SELL to actually score the cash in the account.
But the quote also reminds me that while there are some super successful people out there (like Ali Brown) that does not mean that everyone who seems uber successful actually are. In most cases there is no real way to find out unless you know them or know someone who knows them. Any more than one reliable degree of separation and there’s no way to verify or know for sure if who you’re talking to is the real deal.
Because good social networking and pink candy kisses and rainbows marketing is all well and good – but if you’re in it for a paycheck, you need to make sure your target is good, your advice is good, and your gun is loaded for bear.
As much as I love all of my readers, who are smart, funny, caring, and wonderful – I’m not selling to you. I’m selling to the person who bumped into you yesterday in the store and didn’t say excuse me. I’m selling to the guy who took up a parking space and a half because he was too lazy to back out and line the hell up into the space. I’m talking to the mom who is letting her kid yell at her in a public place because she believes she’s giving her child the freedom she needs to be herself. The people who still don’t get that credit cards aren’t a smart way to buy groceries. People who will spend money they don’t have.
I’m selling to a large niche that lives in the hugeness of the middle of the bell curve (and maybe even a little to the left). Not my awesome “so smart they’re at the right edge of the bell curve” readers.
So there’s your cynical business advice for the day. I’m still waiting for my new domain name to propagate or I’d be setting up my shopping cart and building my site. Guess it will have to wait ’till tomorrow.
Good night, and sweet dreams you smart, well-mannered, awesome people!
Oh, and I made the best cream of potato soup ever last week. It tasted the way I always wish it would when I order it from a diner. Just…perfect. Knowing I did that was a feeling I want to have again and again. Yea for homemade!
New Workspace – New Priorities – Old Stress
Right now I’m blogging from my living room – a huge change from being in my office environment doing office-y type things. I’m trying to find a good balance between getting stuff done and being a good parent. I’ve really enjoyed the past few months where my focus has been a lot more housewife and a lot less breadwinner. My kids get into less trouble, there are fewer murals of crayon love on my walls, and they seem to be bonding with their little sister faster than I could have hoped. There is no jealousy because I’m more available – even with a new baby – than I have been for them in the past couple years. They’re thrilled to have this kind of access to mom, so they don’t notice that a lot of that attention is going to the newborn.
But even with all the enjoyment and happiness there is this little hint of a feeling inside me. It’s like a churning kind of feeling. The paranoia that comes with not actively working. Sure, I should be working soon…but I’m not right. this. second. and that worries me on a deep level.
It also worries me that I may never be happy being a housewife unless I have some way of bringing in income. This probably comes from my great-grandmother who raised me with a few primary beliefs:
- Don’t rely on anyone else to take care of you. Marriage is about partnership, but if something happens, you need to be able to take care of yourself and your family solo.
- Women weren’t meant to sit around taking care of babies. They will never be truly happy unless they can provide for those children with more than hair and makeup and a pleasant attitude to make sure they get fed. (Sounds a lot like #1 now that I write it down – she was an ace at reinforcing her beliefs!)
So I’m trapped in this place where I don’t know if my feelings are my own or if they are just a remnant of my childhood teaching. Great-gramma also taught me that nothing is ever good enough – things can always be improved or done in a better way. So, even if I am taking care of my children and making an income it probably won’t feel like enough.
But how do you recalibrate your soul for the proper definition of “enough”? I don’t see how that’s even possible.
I’m torn. Thrilled to be a great parent to my children, enjoying letting my husband take the lead and letting him support the family…but feeling a serious lack of great businesswoman in the mix.
The laptop in the living room is a start. Now I plan on using it to create something good that will quench the junkie-like craving for money/security that I can’t seem to shake. Sure, I could pick a number and when my savings account gets to that tell myself that’s all the security I need…but that would be so arbitrary (I know there are guidelines – 8 months of income … 6 months of expenses … but how do you REALLY know how much savings is enough?? You can’t!) So I just set the goal higher and higher every time we get to one.
There are worse things to crave than financial security, I guess.
But It’s AUTHENTIC Exhibitionism…Right? RIGHT!?
Have you ever been to an in-person networking event (or church event, or any other random public event) and someone you just met tells you some amazingly painful, traumatic detail about their life only to leave you with the reaction of, “Oh my gosh, I don’t know her name, how can I know this woman has been raped and not KNOW HER NAME??”
Maybe it’s just me (and I kind of hope it is – for your sake) but this happens to me one out of probably every five events. Rape is the most common confession but there are others. Many, many others. From people who I don’t know beyond a five minute conversation.
You can say this is because I have “one of those faces” or “that kind of energy” – but I never agreed.
Over time, I’ve come to believe that being a total exhibitionist about your childhood or early-adulthood trauma is something that is a part of the healing process.
Enter the Internet.
Yesterday I got a link from Twitter to a business blog and the comment was something about how amazing the authenticity in the post was. So I clicked. How could I not. I am all about seeing what the end result of pledging yourself 100% to the religion of authenticity (and it is a faith-based religion, y’all) looked like.
What I got?
Paragraph after paragraph of all kinds of childhood and early-adulthood oogie-boogies. I mean it was an all-you-can-eat buffet of trauma. There was actual mention of actual blown up bits of body parts. It was….painful to read.
Sure, I wrote a post about being abused as a kid a while back. I wanted to explain why I cherish my childhood because if I’d had a normal childhood I”d have a boring, normal life and be unable to appreciate everything around me the way I do. Like, “Thanks, trauma, cause I’m kind of an awesome person and wouldn’t be me without you!” (Plus I’d had a bunch of people ask me that week “how did you get so strong?’ and “why are you so intimidating?” LOL I don’t think I’m either of those things but I have boundaries. Good ones. So I thought I’d explain.)
You know, cause I was trying to be UPLIFTING. Assuming if you wanted to wallow in that “bad touch” feeling you would go find someone that is like that. Plus, this is a PERSONAL blog…when you’re on a personal blog you accept you may be stepping into someone’s personal doodoo.
But a business blog? I could see it if you’re tying it into your business, but this was a drive by in-your-face non-consensual sharing in an arena where I would have no way of knowing this was coming.
Just because it makes YOU feel better to flash your bullshit all over the Internet and have people pat you on the back for being authentic…DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT.
You don’t keep secrets because they are shameful. You keep secrets because those are what you tell your significant other, your family, your close friends, your personal blog.
Part of me applauds you – you have made it to the part of your personal journey of healing that means you tell everyone you meet your issues. That’s close to home stretch.
I just wish you had put a warning or disclaimer at the top. It’s not fair to the rest of the world who may not be in as good a place as you are. Not putting a warning is basically telling me that what you did was entirely selfish – but hey, at least you were authentically selfish, right?
It scares me. When we blur the line between personal and professional I believe it can be a great thing. But when I come to your business blog and read stories of personal trauma I didn’t sign up for, well, not only will I not be going back to your site but I’ll be sure to tell people you have NO IDEA what authenticity, branding, and marketing yourself are all about.
Because you don’t.
Not because you’re a bad person, not because you don’t keep your secrets to yourself, but because you are still healing and have not gotten to the point where you have learned appropriate personal boundaries.
I hope you find them soon. Unfortunately, the Internet will always remember your not-so-youthful indescretion. Good luck getting that next job when your boss googles you and sees all that. Even better luck proving that’s what caused you to not get a job.
It just feels like such a shame. And getting praised for it. That will just make it take even longer to heal as well as encourage others to post stories with names attached that are nothing more than feel-good attempts and requests for pats-on-the-back disguised as some bullshit being sold as authenticity.
Why Not Having A BlogHer Sponsor Is Okay
This will be my first time at BlogHer (let the virgin jokes commence!)
I hear there are parties, swag, and sponsors everywhere.
Over the past few months I’ve suggested people to companies as well as suggested to companies how many people or what kinds of events to sponsor with those magical marketing dollars.
Because it’s starting to look like everyone wants a sponsor.
Most of the people that are looking for a sponsor (not all, not you, just most people…don’t get defensive, now) can’t afford to go without one. I don’t know why companies aren’t looking at that and thinking, “Oh, hey, that’s a problem.”
I mean, when someone is hiring for a job they look at the resume and if they see you’ve never had a job before they inevitably say, you need experience, we need references…calls have to be made to see if you know what you’re doing…
But not with blogging. If you’re a Walmart Mom it’s assumed you are a successful social media blogger. If you have been sponsored once, you’re considered a horse worth betting on.
I guess I just don’t understand what the criteria are for sponsorships. Other than having a pretty blog with commenters and contests.
Maybe I’m just a little burned out right now – being tired makes me pessimistic.
That, and I’m hoping my days at BlogHer aren’t filled with people telling me about their sponsor instead of about themselves. I’m looking at this as a social event (which is why I’m not going to Business BlogHer) and hope it manages to be a social event even with all the sponsorships.
You know, I’m sure it will be. But it will be like trying to have a conversation in the middle of Akihabara in Tokyo. Very ad-heavy.
So I’m okay not having a sponsor. Mostly because I never looked for one and did not want one. I want to be able to go to this conference and enjoy myself, not be thinking about the ROI I can provide for my sponsor so they’ll keep working with me.
Of course, I don’t know if the sponsored individuals think about the ROI of what they are doing, so maybe I just shouldn’t have a sponsor because I wouldn’t be able to have a good time without constantly worrying about my performance and what the execs would think of my choices and approach.
It’s entirely possible I ruin things by overthinking them.
You know who has the right idea? Jessica Gottlieb. Really, she does. It would still ruin the fun for me, but she’s not seeing it as a vacation – she sees it as part of her work – I have to respect that. Even while I wonder how she doesn’t get burned out. Amy Lupold Bair (aka Resourceful Mommy) also makes me TIRED just watching her work her tail feathers off.
So, if you see me at BlogHer – I look forward to meeting you, hugging you, and talking to you. But trading sponsorship stories? Sorry…I just won’t have one to share. Maybe we can break the ice by asking what our majors were in college….or stories about getting to the event….or anything else.
If you are sponsored, it will be a nice break for you from everyone else asking you how much you’re being paid and what you had to do to score your sponsorship. So hey, I could be like the ad-free zone at BlogHer….I like the sound of that…
Image Source: realbasic
BlogHer, Cell Phones, Newborns and Shopping
I got even more stuff in the mail. I’m really excited about it.
I really feel prepared for the new baby. Just a few luxury items are left.
Really, only one luxury item is left on my list…a touch screen phone.
Sure, it’s a want and not a need…but if you were there at 3am while I was crying and breastfeeding and feeling so damn lonely I could die…you might cut me the slack my husband is more than willing to.
Since I already have (and would like to stay with) AT&T it’s looking like the iPhone is my best option. So now my big goal is to get that phone before BlogHer. It may or may not be possible (BlogHer starts Thursday!) but I’m going to try. Otherwise, I’ll have it before the baby comes and that will be more than good enough.
I’m on the third of five washes of the prefold diapers. I’m going to wash them four times and then store them in my closet – the final wash can happen closer to my due date just to make sure no dust or anything collects on those diapers before baby comes.
We did find the diaper hanger/holder thing from the attic and it’s washed and ready to hold some diapers!
I rebooted my laundry again this morning and that load has been folded and put away. As a bonus, Randy even put away a whole basket of kid clothes that were washed and just not put away from last week (aka before I took over laundry and the house.)
I know I’m not doing FlyLady the way it’s supposed to be done. My sink is not shiny. My shoes are not (and will never be) on and laced. But between the zones and missions and hotspots I think there is a system in there that will work wonderfully for our family. I’ve already started seeing glimmers of that system in just the past three days!
The shopping is done, the baby is gestating nicely and jumping around like a mad little monkey in my tummy, I’ll have a decision on the cell phone thing by the end of the day, and I’m looking forward to BlogHer…even though I wonder now and then why I’m going. Maybe it’s just so I can hook up with whatever Sesame Street character shows up this year.
I’ll be lucky if I can stay awake through the days!
What Do You Do When You’re Stressed?
So I have to drive tomorrow.
I’m really nervous about it.
Some people clean when they’re nervous. Some people read a book to get away from the anxiety.
Me? I redesign blogs. This morning I knew I had to do my hair, pack, burn CDs for the drive, get directions, and do about a hundred other little things.
Instead, I started redesigning MommyBlog Reviews at about 9am…I just finished.
I took a few breaks in between to do some travel-related-stuff…but overall…this is mostly what I did to keep myself from totally freaking out.
How do you like it?
I’m looking for some of those cute 125×125 link badges from other blogs that do reviews and giveaways. Leave the links to your favorites (that have badges!) in the comments so I can put them up on MommyBlog Reviews.
When I do whole sites it reminds me I’m not as good or as fast as I wish I were. But I’m not a professional designer, just a hobbyist that works on my own stuff, so I don’t have to be good or fast. Just make a finished product I like looking at.
Or something like that.
Now I have to do a million things. I’m out of blogs to redesign…for now…
Mommyblogging With No Content = A Giveaway/Review Blog?
Yet another post where I wonder if I could get fired for writing it…
Over on the Queen of Spain Blog (if you’re a conservative, the first few entries are probably safe, but don’t go too deep or your eyes will bleed) there is a phenomenal post calling out the blogging carpetbaggers.
The best part is that it isn’t just cool on the grounds of using old school words like carpetbagger. Which I happen to adore. But because it’s so true – the giveaway blogs that have no content are kind of sleazy.
For those of you that don’t know the definition (and I have to admit even though I think the word is cool I was not 100% on the exact definition):
Carpetbagger = Any opportunistic or exploitive outsider.
Basically, someone who only blogs to get junk and give stuff away and slap the mom label on themselves in order to niche more effectively.
I love my giveaway blog, really, I do. The chance to offer free stuff to people is really cool, and I don’t feel like I’m selling my soul when I do it. I try to post videos when possible so there’s at least an entertainment factor.
But lately I’ve been wondering if I should shuck the whole thing.
Mostly because I just don’t have the time and the return on investment for writing a review post is pretty much negative – I could always be doing something to make more money than the sticker price of an item I received for free. I’m happy I at least had the foresight to not merge all the giveaway stuff into this blog – my life/work/finance/everything blog. I was worried it would junk the place up.
Of course, had I meshed it all together I may be getting cooler offers and trips, but you know what, with the social anxiety I don’t even know that it would be worth it. Sure, I’d love to go on a trip, but having to listen to marketing people tell me stuff without being allowed to shoot it down and correct where they are making horrible mistakes just isn’t my bag.
Companies are still not very well versed in a crap blog vs. a quality blog. I know that I spend a lot of time helping people out and showing them what a “good” blog looks like. It’s not a perfect science, but eventually everyone is going to catch on and blogs that aren’t doing anything but shilling product are going to go out of business because they will be seen for what they are.
Carnival games.
And, much like carnival game prizes…the time and effort you put in to get them is never as much as the actual prize is worth.
New Posts at Bad Mommy Blogger
Gearing up for launch on Feb. 2nd, Bad Mommy Blogger is picking up steam.
And just WAIT till you see the giveaways for launch day – especially the one scored by Suburban Oblivion. Whooooee!
Two new entries (by me) over at BMB
My Teenage Self Would Adore Me!
American Idol Contestants: WHY?
Plus I get to find someplace on my site to put this cool new badge.
