The Tipping Point Against Your Throat

They say you don’t know when the tipping point (reference to The Tipping Point, published in 2000 and still very popular today) is about to happen. You only see it in hindsight. One decision, or a few, by one person, or a few, that suddenly causes a snowball effect to happen for your business. (Or, really, for anything in your life.) Those crucial, sometimes incidental, decisions that make our lives what they really are.

Kind of a long way of saying, “The devil is in the details.”

But I feel like I’m at the edge of a cliff. Not a bad cliff. A pretty cliff. With lots of foliage and butterflies and even trees. A nice place, except for the inherent cliff-iness of the whole thing. Because it’s a long way down and I’ve come really far and now….now it’s time to go even farther.

I’m scared. School is not something I’ve ever been good at and now I have to be sure of myself and my ability to succeed at something that has always been very difficult for me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too old to be amazing but too young to actually have any real power.

School always makes that feeling, that in-between, not-good-enough feeling come into painful focus. It hurts to think I may not be good enough, especially when I know I can be. I do have the potential for…I don’t want to say greatness, that sounds way too over-the-top. I never wanted to be great, just…good enough.

Maybe I am having trouble verbalizing it because what I want is to not want. I want to enjoy the moment, the day, my choices, this life.

Enjoy it without always having to think twenty steps ahead. It’s a strange feeling to have a five-year-plan and realize it was only made so I did not have to think about my path now. I could just allow my path to happen and my only job was to be me. Inside my life, living it, authentically me.

Now, see, for authentically me …. that means I have to be vulnerable (because I am) I have to be trusting, and as wise as I am able.

…and kind.

Just when I think my dual nature of dirty hippie vs. dirty capitalist has come to an end and one side has clearly won the battle of myself – a day comes along, I wake up, and there she is. Me. Back for another fabulous round.

Sorry if this gets a little wonky and off topic. My need to replace my theology book has the part of my brain that thinks about religion out and getting un-dusty and having a field day with belief and thought and need and want and worry and trying to lecture me from afar.

But right now, I’m trying to decide if I should go to the bookstore now, or this evening. When will there be less people? When will this chore be best accomplished? Now, methinks. Because who knows what will happen later.

I have to re-read the book … because I forget if it’s mentioned that people remember the tipping point as the point where their muscles were all bunched or it was when the release happened.

Did this post make any sense?