I’m A Thanksgiving Virgin

I’ve always gone somewhere for Thanksgiving.

Complained as I bundled up the kids and wished that I could just, you know, do it at home.

But now with a partially completed kitchen renovation and an addiction to Food Network making me wonder if I have the cooking chops to pull it off – I’m nervous. Really, really nervous.

I’ve even been planning emergency maneuvers – just in case.

  1. If someone eats a bite of food and makes a face, I’ll tell them the kid spit in that dish. Then it won’t be my cooking that’s to blame. Yes, this is unfair to the children…they’ll have years and years to put me through hell and more than make up for some misplaced blame when they were itty bitty.
  2. If something is taking longer than expected to cook, I’ll play a round of “pass the baby” – hopefully that will buy me an extra half hour or so. I just have to make sure the baby is changed and well-fed, because a round of “pass the baby” doesn’t last long at all if the baby is screaming at the top of her lungs, and I’m pretty sure the appetizers I’m making don’t go well with changing a diaper.
  3. I may choreograph a routine with the two preschoolers as another time-buying tactic. Maybe a song and dance number. If I have to put glasses next to them to really distract the guests, it’s not beneath me to set my kids up to break a little glass as a distraction. I hear if I make them scream, “Opa!” after they break the glass everyone will think it’s funny and not scary and dangerous.

If you’re hosting Thanksgiving, do you have some distraction ideas lined up in case something goes horribly wrong? Maybe spiking the punch to keep the guests compliant and calm? I thought of that too – but my grams can be a mean drunk so we’re going to keep the booze away from her. (Actually, she’s just not allowed to drink, doctor’s orders…but we tell her it’s because she’s a mean drunk – she thinks it’s hilarious because she knows it’s the doctor but plays along with us.)

Even though I keep making plans on how I’m going to cook the Turkey, we’re really having ham for Thanksgiving. I was thinking about trying the Neely’s Peach Glazed Ham recipe from Food Network.

But maybe I should be making a turkey. I’m just not sure. I have my distractions all planned and the liquor cabinet is stocked (it’s all for me, don’t ask me to share) – if I could get the menu down pat I’d be all set for the holiday!

But hey, it could be worse…we could be hosting Christmas!

Oh, wait…we are.

November 17, 2009 | By: Jennifer Gniadecki | Filed Under Family, happy holidays | 1 Comment 

Comments

One Response to “I’m A Thanksgiving Virgin”

  1. Colleen on November 18th, 2009 8:30 pm

    My husband is cooking… I may just be at a birth that day.

    But if I have time, I will stop over and have a few drinks from your huge liquor cabinet and tease you for not having dinner ready until 9pm. Sound good??

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