My Husband is Leaving me for @TheBloggess

This is unverified but I’m pretty sure if given half a chance he would leave so fast there would be smoke and those black tire track burn out marks.

I read The Bloggess a lot. Mostly I save it up and read three or four posts and laugh so hard I have to clench so I don’t pee and tears stream down my face as I laugh. So today I was reading and I turned to Randy and said, “You have to read this. I wish I were this funny.”

So now it’s fifteen minutes later and he’s delving into the archives and laughing his ass off.

I turned to him a couple minutes ago and gave him the stare. You know the one – where he should know he should immediately tell me – in a completely convincing way – that I’m pretty and funny and way funnier than The Bloggess (I know it’s a lie, but that’s not the point.)

And he tells me what post he’s on.

I was considering letting him go to BlogHer with me, but to heck with that, he doesn’t need to meet chicks that are smarter, funnier, and edgier than I am.

It’s the same reason I keep telling him we will never, EVER sign up for Wife Swap. He doesn’t need to know other wives clean and do things for their husbands. That would make my life a living hell involving cleaning and god-knows what else.

I spent too long brainwashing convincing him I’m perfect for him to mess it all up by meeting someone more perfect than I am. Which wouldn’t be terribly difficult. There are a lot of smart, funny chicks out there.

Maybe I should visit Jenny with a turkey baster and an adult diaper like that astronaut chick. That will teach her to make my man laugh! The hussy.

I bet turkey basters are totally on sale now that Thanksgiving is over.

November 30, 2008 | By: Jennifer Gniadecki | Filed Under Blogging | 7 Comments 

Comments

7 Responses to “My Husband is Leaving me for @TheBloggess”

  1. Mr Lady on November 30th, 2008 1:40 pm

    Tell him my husband called dibbs a year ago. :) The Bloggess is one of three blogs he reads. RELIGIOUSLY.

  2. Jennifer Gniadecki on November 30th, 2008 1:45 pm

    Want to go shopping for turkey basters with me? My great-grandmother already has a kickin’ stash of adult diapers – we won’t have to stop while we drive!

  3. Tara Anderson on November 30th, 2008 2:01 pm

    I was about to leave you for The Bloggess as well, until I noticed that you love Lijit. You obviously know how to keep me around…

    And besides, The Bloggess has already told me she doesn’t even know how to put Lijit on her blog. So in my book, you’re way smarter than she is. :)

  4. Jenny, Bloggess on November 30th, 2008 2:48 pm

    See this is exactly why I’ll never let my husband go to blogher either. He’d be all “I thought you told me that all bloggers had to be drunk all the time. Why do these chicks all have waists? Hey, that girl said she’s on the internet less than ten hours a day. You lied to me, you whore.” Then I’d have to shoot him.

    It would be ugly.

  5. Jennifer Gniadecki on November 30th, 2008 3:18 pm

    I totaly forgot to mention if you have booze Mr Lady and I will still drive over with our turkey basters and adult diapers…but to party rather than kill.

  6. Aruni on November 30th, 2008 11:44 pm

    Heck, I would leave my husband for The Bloggess! :-) She is hilarious.

  7. Beth on December 2nd, 2008 2:06 pm

    Ladies, have some confidence, please. Our husbands wouldn’t leave us for Jenny. They want a three-way and that’s okay, right?

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