Meltdown Over Toddler Choices and the Domino Effect

This week, after a couple of not-overwhelming deadlines, I decided to take my recently re-found groove (aka I don’t feel half-dead this week) and make sure to spend some time away from the computer and on my butt in the playroom with the kids.

We sang the alphabet song and twinkle, twinkle little star. We continued to potty train Abby and she’s almost accident free. (We have switched from the now-extinct brownies to M&Ms – much smaller.) Everyone is doing great and I feel better than I have in months.

Then the mail came and the Park District brochure came.

Normally this is where I’d flip through, sigh because my kids were too little or we couldn’t afford anything, and then I’d have a hopeful moment for the day when it was possible to put them in activities.

So, when I looked and found things Abby and Sadie were old enough to be in, I started to get excited. When I saw the prices and realized they weren’t that bad (we just used to be that poor) I got really excited.

I thought, “Hey, I should put them in an activity!”

Note: I never understood before kids how moms became taxi drivers. Now I do. I am still absolutely against overscheduling my kids.

But…I’m thinking I’ll only put them in one. That can’t possibly be too much, right?

Of course that means choosing one. Which one do I choose? Tennis? Ice skating? Swimming?

Who will their friends be if we put them in tennis? Will they have better friends with less chance of becoming a heroin junkie if I put them in swimming? Will they have sex at 13 if I put them in ice skating?

…and so the meltdown begins...

When you look back over your life, do you see how everything is connected to everything else? I wouldn’t be working at home now if X hadn’t happened and X wouldn’t have happened if Y hadn’t happened and so on and so forth all the way back to when I was born.

If I pick the wrong sport, my kid could get hit by a car. Not because of the sport, but by picking that sport my kid will be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because of my choice.

The pressure of knowing I’m putting them in school (and the drama of choosing a school) and sending them out of the house feels like I’m tipping that first domino of millions that will determine the course of their lives.

So the last verse of Que Sera Sera (the Doris Day version) keeps looping in my head:

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I
be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera,
Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera,
Sera
What will be, will be.

I may go mad eventually, but overall I’m much calmer now than I was yesterday. I just don’t want to kill my kids or turn them into teenage pregnancy stories or have them in an alley shooting the drugs.

It all starts from one decision. Mine. To put them in tennis or swimming or ice skating. Unless it’s putting them in the wrong school that tags them with a horrible fate.

Don’t you hate that feeling where you realize you are basically in control of your childrens’ fate? Too much power and responsibility. Maybe if they could just wake up and be 18 tomorrow…nah…they’re too cute to give away all the single digit years.

What will be, will be.

Weird afterthought: This fear may be hereditary. My mother told each of us kids as far back as I can remember she was sure we were going to die by the time we were 18. She was so sure. Maybe that made us more vigilant and kept us alive, but I never plan on telling my kids the same thing. It was really creepy. *laugh*

November 21, 2008 | By: Jennifer Gniadecki | Filed Under The Everything Basket | 1 Comment

Comments

One Response to “Meltdown Over Toddler Choices and the Domino Effect”

Beth on November 21st, 2008 4:51 pm

As long as you stay close to them and listen about their activities, you’ll never have to worry about WHICH activity you choose for them. The strength is in the ‘foundation’, not the ‘windows’ or the ‘doors’ if you know what I mean.

Got something to say?