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Yep – I’m a Joiner!
Supernanny I Am Not
I took a break from writing last night to watch some mindless television. The only thing that was on was Supernanny (I like to pretend when I watch Supernanny I’m really learning something and not wasting my time watching mindless television. I’m living the dream.)
The woman had three rambunctious little ones that she distracted rather than disciplined, and it seemed she spent most of her time cleaning the house rather than taking care of the kids. Supernanny told her she was a lazy parent, because she spent too much time cleaning and not enough time taking care of the kids.
Really, Supernanny’s main problem was not supervising and interacting with her kids throughout the day.
I had a moment.
If Supernanny came to my house she’d probably say the same thing! I spend much of my time during the day writing. Blog entries, writing projects, more blog entries, online networking site stuff, and offline networking phone calls.
Do I think I’m a lazy parent?
Hell, no.
I think I’m teaching by example. I take a break every hour to spend some time with the kids (and make sure they’re fed and watered) and throughout the day the kids come in here and they’ll sit in the other chair in my office (Randy’s chair) and we’ll have a conversation or they’ll bring a book in and read, or they’ll do something else.
These are small interactions, yes. I’m not sitting on the floor and doing crafts, but I think that’s okay. I never thought I would be the mommy that finger painted with the kids on the floor or on the easel. (Besides, we had an easel and the kids didn’t want to draw on it…they disassembled it completely in ten minutes! That’s what I get for getting one that’s held together with screws, I guess.) I’ll never be president of the PTA or leader of the Girl Scouts.
But I care, and I tell them I care, and when they bring things in they’ve done (big Lego trophies and whatnot) I praise them and play with them.
Maybe as mothers we always feel we could be doing more. Would it be better if I had the kids in daycare so strangers could interact with them instead of the partial interaction I provide?
Or is it just bad that I think of this as a logic problem and don’t really feel a strong sense of emotion one way or the other?
The New Writing Gig…Extended Remix
So I submitted my 15,000 words for an assignment Monday night at 2 AM. I procrastinated and it showed. Well, not in the quality of work, you all know I’m a procrastination powerhouse!
But I swore to Randy and myself that I would never procrastinate like that again. Four days just wasn’t enough time to get all those tips done.
So guess what my dumb bunny butt did today?
I get a phone call fifteen minutes ago from the company I’m working through. They had a writer punk out on them and they need (insert wicked cool drum roll) 22,000 words by Monday.
So what did I say? Yes, of course. The money is great, the work is easy…I mean, sure it’s time consuming and kind of boring (the subject matter isn’t nearly as fun this time) but when someone offers me cash money I just have such a difficult time saying, "No thanks, I’ll pass on that large chunk of cash right now!"
I mean even reading it when I write it out I shudder a little and wonder if I’d be mad to pass up that kind of an offer.
People always said that I was a prolific writer (not prophylactic, get your minds out of the gutter…geez…*grin*) and I guess that’s coming in mighty handy right about now!
So, if you email me for the rest of the week and I don’t respond, it’s because I don’t really like you after all I’m under a horrific deadline and need to make sure my stuff gets done on time 
Until then I’ll be updating sporadically. I have to go make mad stacks of paper.
First Park Visit of Summer
Warning: I did not take the camera – there are no pics. I’m a bad person. LOL
There are four parks in our town, and one is even a water park. It’s one of the things I love about where I live – the commitment to playgrounds and parks and nature and forest preserves. The one that is closest to our house is also the one that is usually deserted. This is a good thing because my kids are 2 & 3 years old, they cannot hold their own with the 6, 7 & 8 year olds that are more rambunctious on the playsets.
Of course if the parents of the older kids didn’t suck and would actually not knock my smaller kids over I’m sure there wouldn’t be an issue. But instead of trying to tell the other park moms their kids are going to be heroin addicted delinquents later because they’re slacking on parenting duty, I go to the deserted park. I’m such a sweetheart.
Quick aside: I know my kids are too young to be on playsets designed for older kids. But it’s not like I’m completely keeping those other kids from having fun by releasing my kids onto their playset. I mean, really, we only stay at the park for 20 minutes – it’s not like I’ve ruined it for everyone for a really long time. I just hope when my kids are older that if a toddler gets on the playset they don’t act like they don’t care if they fall and die – or push them out of the way to be able to run past – knocking my then-two year old daughter down the stairs. I really hope I’ve taught my kids better than that in five years.
Our park has two playsets on it. One is designated for kids 3-5 (it’s smaller and the slides are shorter and the whole thing is set closer to the ground) and the other one is for kids 5-12 and above. (It doesn’t say "and above" on the label, but yeah, where else can 14 year olds smoke these days…)
Guess which one my kids want to play on?
Yep, even my little 2 year old huffs her ample little bootie up those stairs made for the 5-12 crowd, runs across the shaky bridge (who invented that deathtrap?) and climbs up so she can go down the tornado slide. In case tornado slide is regional, that’s the tall slide that’s a corkscrew going down. It’s good times.
While the park was not entirely deserted yesterday, the other parents that came also had a toddler, so fun was had by all and between the four of us we were able to cover all major points of the playset – so all of our children could play without getting hurt even once.
It was a really good time.
Image Source: mommyof9 via sxc.hu
Remember When I Was Nervous?
I sat for 45 minutes in an empty Starbucks and the sitter never showed up.
I thought maybe she went to another Starbucks that was a few miles away, so I called them and they said no one had been in alone for the last hour.
When I got home I sent her an email letting her know I waited, and said I hoped she was okay and I was sorry we missed each other. I sincerely tried to give her an out for an excuse in case she just forgot. I mean, I’ve been there. Just tell me you had a flat tire and we can try again, everyone gets one chance, right? But that was Monday night and still not a peep from the sitter via email or phone.
So I was stood up. You see why I have a problem with sitters? They either don’t show, they give my kids a bath the first time they watch them (that so creeped me out) or aren’t available after the first time at the same times I need them, or they want to charge $13/hr to come over, put the kids to bed after two hours, and then hang out on my computer (or the phone, or watch tv) for another four hours until I come home. Fine if my kids didn’t go to bed, or were biters, or didn’t do what they were told…but my kids are amazing. They listen, they understand reason, they’re really good – a dream is what prior sitters have called them. I mean, they even pick up their toys as long as you ask nicely and watch them do it and praise them. It’s not like a sitter needs hazard pay to watch my girls.
Seriously, why is it so difficult?
I guess it’s back to SitterCity for me. I mean, at least the ladies (I haven’t seen any gents, I’m not just being sexist) took the time to put up a profile. Even if it means they might stand me up…it’s the best shot I have.
I’m Pretty Sure I’m Being Played
This is the second day in a row Sadie has said in response to "Naptime!"
But mommy, I need to go potty.
Yesterday she sat on the potty chair for almost forty minutes (I kept asking if she wanted to try later but she was unmoved, so please don’t think I duct taped her on the chair or something equally sinister *laugh*) before this tinkle that was less than a tablespoon came out.
But, since we’re potty training, that got a huge fanfare and love and hugs and a sticker was placed on the chart. It was really overkill, and she loved every minute of it.
So yeah, I think I’m getting totally played and my daughter is using this as an excuse not to go down for a nap when it’s time to go down for a nap.
On the other hand, should I even care as long as it works? Does the end justify the means in this case?
On Oversharing
There is an amazing article that is online now, and will be in the Sunday Times Magazine (is that all capital letters? I’m not certain) from a former Gawker editor/writer and oversharing. Emily Gould wrote for Gawker for over a year along with two other blogs. Now? She’s writing her first feature for the Sunday Times Magazine.
I’m giving away the ending here, but don’t worry, the ending isn’t the important part of the story – the journey is. I highly recommend reading the whole thing.
Well, I’m an oversharer — it’s not like I’m entirely reformed. But lately, online, I’ve found myself doing something unexpected: keeping the personal details of my current life to myself. This doesn’t make me feel stifled so much as it makes me feel protected, as if my thoughts might actually be worth honing rather than spewing. But I still have Emily Magazine as a place to spew when I need to. It will never again be the friendly place that it was in 2004 — there are plenty of negative comments now, and I don’t delete them. I still think about closing the door to my online life and locking them out, but then I think of everything else I’d be locking out, and I leave it open. (full article here)
How did it make you feel?
My first reaction to reading, before the story started to sink in, was "who the hell would give up the chance at being a Gawker author?" I say this because I know I’d never be one, and the people who all seem uber-hip and uber-cool and so very chic and urban that my one-step-behind not-quite-cutting-edge self would never fit in.
Part of me even has a little problem feeling good about the happy ending, simply because it landed her a Sunday Times Magazine article, that she will now parlay into other articles and becoming a professional freelance writer. While I’m a freelance writer, the closest I’ve gotten to professional is the Chicago Sun Times Online. Which, come to thinnk of it, isn’t that bad…and I haven’t had my public blog drama aired out since 2001. Maybe I’m just ahead of the curve LOL
Back to Emily and Gawker – I think that anyone who can claim those roles (as urban elite, as the people others emulate) should claim them and own them with utter abandon. Really what it comes down to is I’m jealous. You see, I used to be scathing and overly-honest. An oversharer. But I’m not now, and haven’t been for years. Sometimes I miss the oversharing I did when I was in my early 20s – because even though the stakes were higher and the pain was damn near overwhelming when things went wrong – there was always a pot of gold at the end of the rough ride – with a rainbow and everything.
Now? My successes are still solid, and they’re still coming (quite rapidly, I might add) but without the agony of defeat that comes before, the joy of success doesn’t have the same Rocky Balboa running up the steps and screaming "Adrian!" triumphantly.
What’s wrong with being an oversharer?
No one wants to know that much about you. Honestly. While Dooce seems to get away with sharing everything, if you listen to her (even on her most recent Today Show appearance) she has limits to what she will share. When she started she shared everything, and now she shares almost everything. There is a huge difference that lives in the world almost.
Sharing everything (sans almost) can hurt people, and most of all – it can hurt you, the writer. Most people are wonderful and nice, but those that aren’t (the bitches, the gossips, whatever you call them) know that what you write is ammunition. You haven’t been shot in the heart until you’ve been shot with your own gun. That hurts in a special way.
How does one stop being an oversharer?
Boundaries.
You need to have a conversation with yourself about once every quarter (that’s three months to those of you who don’t like math) and reexamine what you’ve been saying, what you’ve been doing, and who you’ve been saying it to and doing it with.
Are you being blogged about? Are people saying things about you online? What are they saying? You do have a Google Alert for your name, don’t you? Do that, even if you only get an email once a month or less from Google letting you know you’ve been spotted online, it’s a nice backup measure to take.
Don’t share traumatic stories as they’re happening. Wait at least 24-48 hours before you blog about any personal experience. We are all raw when tragedy or disappointment strikes, and while your readers may eat it up, you don’t want people reading your blog or listening to you talk to feel embarrassed on your behalf.
I’ve seen that happen a lot at networking events. Where someone is talking and another person makes eye contact with me and gives me that look. The look that says to me, "The poor dear, she (or he) just doesn’t realize what she’s doing" look. Because what she’s doing is destroying her business with her mouth.
People don’t want to work with the sick, infirm, traumatized, or generally f’ed up. People do not want to give money to psychos, oversharers, dark and twisty people or jerks. No one wants to know the check they write you for your services or products (or your paycheck) is going for therapy, medication, or anything else that signals you may be a bad horse to bet on.
Because once you’ve figured out your boundaries, you need to figure out what you think other people want to hear from you. Even if you’re okay talking about being mauled by a dog when you were 12 – is that really an appropriate conversation for the situation you’re in when you take that breath to begin telling the story? Is it?
Be sure, because people will forgive nervousness, but if you’re labeled crazy or a psycho or any other label which is generally applied to an oversharer – you’re sunk.
Partially Cross-Posted At: Everyday Networker
I Am Really Nervous Today
Tonight at 8pm I’m meeting (insert drumroll here) my potential new babysitter.
I’m going to her neck of the woods, which is about 15 minutes away from my neck of the woods and we’re going to have coffee and talk.
Before that I need to look up potential questions to ask her because I think this is supposed to be a job interview. I suck at interviewing people because I hate being nosey. People already have a tendency to tell me the things they really shouldn’t…I don’t know if asking questions is going to make people hesitate to tell me or tell me even more than they normally would.
I’m sure she’s a very nice girl. Summer is a great time to find a sitter because all the kids are home from school and looking for some extra cash. That’s great.
Here’s hoping this turns into a semi-regular babysitting gig. At least through the summer. I would really like to spend some time with my husband – I miss him. You know, him-him…because all I experience now is daddy-him and that’s just not doing it for me. (I mean he’s a great father, but I want to talk about politics, religion, and philosophy like we did when we were dating – it seems that we don’t have time for it with work and kids and everything else that needs to get done.)
Part of me is afraid if I don’t prioritize getting out alone with him, I’ll forget what he was like before toddlers happened. I don’t want to forget the person I fell in love with, you know?
Yeah, maybe I should find a way to get rid of all that baggage instead of putting it on a sitter *LOL* Oh, wait…that’s what date night is for!
It’s a Margarita Morning
Yes, I’m a bad person and I’m having a Margarita (it deserves to be capitalized) with a friend at 10:14am. It’s less acidic than orange juice (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) Made with my new kickass frozen drink maker.
That reminds me – I like to blog about stuff I use and things that are part of my life. I think this weekend I’m going to set up a review blog. That way I have a special place where I can talk about stuff and not have to worry about corrupting the main blog. (By corrupting I mean make the BlogHer powers that be unhappy. I like BlogHer and their ads are the classiest I’ve ever seen…so yeah…not going to mess up that relationship!)
I just have to come up with a name. There are a few available contenders…we shall see.
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Update 1: Just got back from seeing Prom Night. Great movie if you like horror flicks and dead teenagers (which I do!) First movie in a long time where I kept jumping and involuntarily throwing my hands up to my face/head and then laughing at myself for doing so. Good times
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Update 2: Just finished tweaking/redesigning a theme for another friend’s new blog. Since she’s going to be wickedly anonymous I can’t give the link. Of all the genres in the world, she wants a fun little erotica blog. So…it’s no wonder she wants to remain private! She asked me to guest post. I blushed. I can be such a prude.
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Final Saturday Update: I’m going to walk away from the computer now, and spend a little time with my new Scrapbooking Kit that my friend D picked up for me at Borders. I don’t know why she always buys me stuff, but man, if it makes her happy I’m not going to twist her arm to stop. I did pick up the tab for sodas and popcorn at the theatre, so I’m not a total leach. It was funny, to get the popcorn and soda I almost had to get crappy with her while we were in line. In retrospect, that’s funny
Image Source: elvinstar via sxc.hu
