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Yep – I’m a Joiner!
It’s difficult not to be snarky when writers are weird.
You all know (probably) that I’ve shifted my business model yet again to do more freelance writing. It fits in with my schedule and the demands that having two toddlers put on my soul/body/mind.
So I think, “Hey, I’ll go network with some writers, I’m sure they’re a creative, friendly bunch!”
Woah.
I’m in the Absolute Write forum, having a blast, it’s fantastic. But, like many boards that are highly specialized, if you step out of line you get dinged. It wasn’t me that stepped out of line, but wow, they tore some folks up in there!
My issue was when I saw that an author was willing to share his book on self publishing with the AW group free. I just purchased and am wading through the tome of information that is The Well Fed Self Publisher, but I figure having a secondary book can’t hurt. So, thinking I’m being a champ, I not only request the book but offer mine in exchange – trying to be a nice person and give something of value in return.
Big mistake.
First off, this book is crap. I mean it’s a 96 page .pdf and the text is four inches by six inches in the middle of every page, so no easy way to read it. But it is nothing more than page after page of worthless ideas. I mean worthless. I’d print some but I’m sure he’d snark all over me saying I reprinted his work without permission…
Then I get an email back (since I didn’t email the .pdf directly and sent it through e-junkie because I track things) saying “I don’t intend to pay for this I want it free like I sent yours free.” Wow, way to make assumptions instead of asking questions, you hack! It was the free link. I didn’t think to spell it out because I said I would exchange it for free. I emailed back with a quick apology, reassuring him it was free and saying that I wasn’t sure why there was a misunderstanding but here it is.
So he emails back again to let me know in BOLD what his misunderstanding was with the boilerplate text that goes out automatically with the link for the book. Wow.
Thanks for giving me a crap book that’s worthless AND wasting five minutes of my life. He made out way better on his end than I did. He got a real book with real tips and helpful suggestions. I got something that after glancing at once I’ll never look at again, because it’s worthless.
Between that guy and the potential for attack, I’m a little scared of Absolute Write. Maybe I’m not a real enough writer to hang with the big dogs. I certainly know that all the writers there aren’t rude, and all the books aren’t drivel…but wow. Two bad experiences in a row, I think, would make anyone a little gun shy.
Maybe I’m spoiled that all the people I talk to regularly online have the same play nice mentality that I do most of the time. I mean, we’re polite, say please and thank you, the usual humane things people do for one another. Am I just lucky that I found all the people with social skills online?
What has your experience been? Have you found pockets of not-so-nice people online? Do you think it was just individuals or certain niches that are plagued with lack of online social skills?
Turning Strangers into Friends
My friend Dawn and I were at a bookstore over the weekend.
I was telling her how much I thought Jane Austen sucks. Yes, I am admitting this for the Internet to cache forever, I said a classic author writing about women in the 1800’s sucks. (Try and find this level of class on the other mommyblogs. I dare you.)
Halfway down the aisle there was this uber-hip mama complete with adorable baby in a wrap and the baby had this amazing, hand knitted little cap on her head. The uber-hip mama looked smart, adorable, and really friendly…she also looked like she was interested in our conversation – so I turned to her and said to my friend Dawn, “I bet she’ll tell you Jane Austen is great.”
Lo and behold, cool chica at the bookstore did, in fact, think Jane Austen was great.
I was trying to give my friend Dawn an idea of how badly my taste in books sucks some insight about my personality and taste in books and thought the hip-looking baby-wearer just looked like a Jane Austin person (she looked smart, had glasses, had a baby wrap…come on…you know she had to be smart…)
So this great exhange happened where I passed my business card, she passed her business card (she has a home based business…I told you she was smart!) and my friend Dawn realized she recognized her from her job as a receptionist at a dance studio.
Now, I don’t know about you but I’m not surprised when these things happen. So much coincidence that it would make your head spin is kind of my cross to bear in this world. If you find you’re lacking for weird, unbelievable things in your life, come visit. You can have some coffee in my kick-ass breakfast nook and eventually something phenomenally weird will happen to you, too!
Now, here is where it gets interesting. I send an email over to cool new girl (this is her official name until I get permission to talk about her behind her back on my blog) with some information including my twitter address. She has a Twitter account and adds me.
Back in the day before all this new fangled new media someone would have had to pick up a phone.
I don’t know about you, but picking up the phone is not how I like to get to know someone. I stink on the phone if I’ve never talked to you on the phone before. I will stutter, I will breathe funny, I will leave crappy voicemails. I have a very unhealthy relationship with the phone, and if it was just me and a phone call to make my book a best seller and me a superstar…I’d make the call…but I’d probably manage to flub the deal.
But now, in the bright and shiny world of web 2.0 moms, I can be all passive about connecting to people. Connect on Twitter, maybe schedule a playdate or coffee, nice, slow baby steps toward an acquaintance. You don’t have to just jump on someone’s phone and then feel this overwhelming need to be entertaining. The pressure is off and you can get to know people slowly, without the pressure.
Wow. I love the Internet more today than I did yesterday. It allows me to turn strangers into friends without having to rush the process.
Even better, my friend Dawn purchased the seven novel monster of a Jane Austen book and then insisted I read it first, since I haven’t read it since high school. Maybe being older and the type of person that bawls at Hallmark commercials (and Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints commercials – remember those?) will make me more receptive to women in the 1800’s that want to be independent but society is too busy crushing their spirits to notice they’re human. Or something.
How do you feel about Jane Austen? (Book opinions only, no movie reviews you heathens!)
p.s. I would like to thank True Soliloquy of She Just Had to Say It for the stellar idea of crossing things out. Yes, I know people have been doing it forever, and she uses the technique better more profusely than I do, but I never thought it could work in my blog until I saw her use it in hers.
I’m Allergic to Internet Marketers
Not people who are marketers and happen to ply their trade on the Internet.
Oh no.
More like the people that you DM on Twitter and then they respond on the main feed to make it look like you said something different in order to show off how very, very smart and expert they are and reveal that alas, they are not a publisher but an Internet marketer with a niche and a burning desire to be the know-it-all in their field, at the expense of politeness or tact.
You see, you can have a niche or a business and market it online, but there is something special about an Internet marketer. Something….low. I’m not saying that as a judgment, but it does make me feel a little itchy, like I have hives…definite allergy properties if I’ve ever encountered them.
Also, there are exceptions to this rule. Not all Internet marketers are the stereotypical used-car salesmen or the person that has a lovely bridge to sell you.
Today I received a request on Twitter (yes, it’s a Twitteriffic day) for someone that is using Twitter to make a blog. The whole blog. The API for twitter allows people to display feeds directly on webpages. How spiffy! But this is now going to be used so people can Twit the right people and @reply to people to have long-tail keywords and nicknames on the blog.
I don’t like that someone has my nickname on their blog, and that the way they chose to @reply to a question no one saw makes it look like I asked something very specific that I did. not. ask. Why? Because the person I talked to did not have common courtesy. Simple as that. When someone asks you a question privately at an event, do you then reply in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear? Of course not! But doing the equivalent on the Internet is…marketing?
No, my friends it is not marketing, it’s being a blustery jackass.
Hee to tha Haw.
While it is my mistake for asking an Internet marketer for real information on anything other than Internet marketing (I should have done more research) it does not detract from the sheer assiness of not acting with the common courtesy you’d show in public and then rationalize it as one step on the long road to becoming an expert.
While I may have missed the talk about mommyblogging and branding over at the Queen of Spain Blog, I certainly know that finding ways to minimize the use of my nickname as well as choosing who to pal around with in Twitter are both very serious ways to protect the brand that I’m creating.
Brand me.
As much as I love meeting new people, networking, and learning…this means being more selective about adding people to my Twit-stream. I don’t go throwing information about others out without some kind of link or something…but others will. The only person there to look out for my image and what neighborhoods on the Internet I’m found in is me. No publicists or agents to protect my image or make statements on my behalf.
Just me, looking out for my brand, my blog, and making sure that I stop talking to people that give me hives, heeby-jeebies, or other feelings of unpleasantness. They won’t even care, because to them, the low ones, I’m not even a person, just a number in a pile of readers, subscribers, or RSS-feed readers…a potential buyer…the only thing I have of value is a credit card number and a PayPal account.
Which is also why I know the same Internet marketers that give me hives are the very ones that will not care that I’m avoiding them like the plague. They like their customers passive and trusting – willing to be shamed into a purchase or ready to hear how wrong they are – and that is the very reason for which they should be avoided at all costs.
For every Internet marketer there are fifty legitimate companies offering something better. Unless you’re looking to learn more about Internet marketing. In which case, dive in and learn all you can…but by all means…bring along something for the hives.
Dealing with Downtime (TMI)
Good LAWRD!
For anyone who doesn’t know yet because you know I told the universe I went to the doctor and had my IUD removed last Monday. In between then and now I’ve taken two different kinds of vitamins, and at one point swore I was going to die. Somewhere in between a spike in vitamin intake and a spike in hormones and a spike in serious pain from uterus to spine…I managed to muddle through a week of torture.
From getting sick at a restaurant to laying in bed unable to focus due to the PAIN of cramps, I realize why I went to such lengths not to deal with all of this. By great lengths I mean starting The Pill at 15 to having two babies in a row and running for an IUD immediately after baby number two.
From pain and back spasms to dizzy spells and nausea, it felt last week like my body just decided to have a revolt and overthrow my brain with sheer overwhelm. It worked. I couldn’t concentrate, work, write, or do much of anything else – except for sporadic blog entries here and there.
Today is the first day since last week I’ve felt almost human. Still a little dizzy (the getting sick at the restaurant actually sprained my eye muscles so rolling my eyes at my husband still hurts like hell) but I’m happy that the crazy pain has finally passed. This is a personal mission to get pregnant now, you realize. I don’t think I can take one more monthly cycle like the one I’m on the other side of right now. The best way to avoid it is to get my rabbit-fertile self in action and get knocked up ASAP. Hopefully I’m still as rabbit-fertile as I was last time around…as all women know fertility is never guaranteed no matter what happened last time or how your family reproduces.
On the bright side, I’m not dizzy now, so I can read the books that Randy picked up from the library yesterday. I have some professional reading on freelance writing as well as some fun new fiction books.
Last cool side-note, the author of the book I’m reading is located in a different suburb of Chicago than I’m in. I found her on Facebook. Just another piece of social proof that New Media is super-cool. You can find authors and connect with them directly. Something that would have seemed like a pipe dream (to me) a few years ago. Mind boggling.
Why I Don’t Like Consulting
There are two things I do well: write and sell.
No matter what business I’ve had over the years, I could always find clients. I was led to believe when I first started working from my home office that the holy grail was to have retainer clients that paid you monthly to do X amount of work.
I believed the people I talked to. They were very happy with the arrangement of having the same clients month after month. Unfortunately, I have a slightly different personality from most of the people I know that work from home.
I am, to put it mildly, odd. Eccentric. There are days I work 18 hours straight and occasionally, like this week, I do practically nothing because my brain has decreed it is time to read novels and relax the neurons before they go up in flames.
This does not work well when you have people that feel they can call and ask you to do things anytime they wish because they’ve pre-purchased your time. I don’t like feeling like I’ve been purchased…but I’m okay selling my work.
Quite the conundrum (for me) because I produce my work so anything that comes from me is part of me, isn’t it?
So the new goal isn’t to have no clients, it’s to have a different kind of client.
I’m working on this goal by doing two things:
- Altering my specialty
- Altering the people I work with
By switching to freelance writing, I’ll be able to provide pieces of work rather than have retainers. I don’t know if there is a such thing in the freelance writing industry, and if you have insight on that please let me know.
I think this is something I can be really good at. I did some technical article writing last week and it went really well.
- I know what makes me different
- I’m already being picked up by Reuters.com and the Chicago Sun-Times online
- People that are not family or friends are giving me really positive feedback
May as well give it a shot. I need to fund production and some other things for Non-Toxic Networking so I figure the best way to fund my writing is with writing. I know it’s a little obvious…sometimes I’m not that quick on the draw.
Oh, also in the writing pipeline is a little blog I’ve been approved to write. I’m not going to gush about it until it’s up and designed and running except to say I’m so excited, it’s kind of scary.
Getting rid of cable wasn’t so bad
The kids are playing happily in the bedroom and I’m sneaking in the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I have watched this show from day 1 – primarily because the pre-launch music was from The Postal Service, which is a band that has some of the most gloriously uplifting music I’ve ever heard. I mean, you can ride on those melodies and hooks, they’re so good.
Back to cable. I got rid of it but we did recapture basic channels with the use of the antenna that was already conveniently located on the roof. So channel 11 (our PBS affiliate) does come on for about two hours a day. During Word Girl, Word World, and Arthur. (All of which can be found at PBSkids.org – ask my 3 year old…she’ll tell you herself “pbskids.org” – aah…baby’s first website…)
For my part, I wait for the kids to get involved in playing with blocks, or wait until they’re in bed, and I score about an hour of unwinding television a day. Today’s hour is happening this morning, and it’s Grey’s Anatomy. Streaming on ABC.
I think the whole “watching TV on the Internet phenomenon” is a great markeing strategy as well as a way to get sponsorship and (best of all) interesting commercials! Remember when commercials were fun? Interesting? Now that you’re basically forced to watch commercials again, but only about five per show, they’re 30 seconds long, and they’re interesting.
So I can relax for a little bit (and pause if necessary at any time), the kids can watch Word World (which I’ve watched, and enjoyed, on occasion as well) and we can all drool on ourselves and watch a little TV for a few minutes before we get back to real life and responsibilities.
Well, except for the kids. They go back to having different non-TV kinds of fun. All without commercials. Because, yeah, they don’t have responsibilities. That’s my job.
Mission accomplished.
The best intentions
When I wake up in the morning and feed the girls, I always think, “Today is the day I’m going to get out the finger paints and we’re going to color.” Or, “Today maybe we can go to the park.”
You know what happens? I get sucked into blogging and doing things that make money. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a greedy person, but I’ve been very poor before and I never want to be very poor again.
There are toys in my office the girls can play with. They bring books in and read in “Daddy’s Chair” while I work. I talk to them and we have conversations. It’s not that I’m ignoring them exactly, but I just always feel like I could be doing more.
I’m not spending all my time at my job, so I’m not that parent. I haven’t sunk all my hopes and dreams and soul into my kids, so I’m not that mom either. But there aren’t news reports of kids being raised by mothers that work from home and focus on their work. What are my kids going to tell their therapist when they grow up? (Will my kids have a therapist when they grow up?)
While I know all parents are paranoid about how the kids will turn out, it is really difficult not to. Because every time everyone says, “Don’t worry about it, they’ll turn out fine.” What happens when they grow up and are robbing stores and getting charged with grand theft auto? Everyone blames the parents. Total catch-22.
So what is the appropriate level of paranoia? Will it get better when they’re older and I can have them help me with work and filing and administrative stuff on their way to….do whatever they want…(cosmetology, perhaps?)
Where is my crystal ball when I need it?
I think the prenatal vitamins are making me nutty.
Are there women that like prenatal vitamins?
With Sadie I tried about four different brands of prenatal vitamins.
As any woman who has taken prenatal vitamins knows, they suck. They’re big, overwhelming, can cause horrible tummyaches….and they can seriously mess up pooping.
Yes, I totally said pooping.
There are ones with extra iron, which wreaks havoc with your internal junk, and the ones that don’t are fine, but why take horsepills if they don’t even have extra iron in them? It all becomes a bit overwhelming and pointless when you realize it’s just a vitamin.
My OB hooked me up with the new CitraNatal DHA prenatals. With a *shudder* stool softener. This had me filled with fear, especially since opening up the package revealed two pills as the daily dose…not one. So a horsepill and a horsecapsule are required for daily vitamin goodness.
Couldn’t I just buy a throw rug to put in my uterus to prep it for future fetuses? Why does it require pills and capsules and DHA (from a plant source…no fish oil…oh thank goodness!) to make a welcoming environment.
Bah.
I think this is all hype.
Unfortunately, I’m sucked into it and hey…it’s not like vitamins can be a bad thing, right?
I’ve been taking the vitamins for the last three days, and nothing…um…untoward has happened with the iron and the stool softener and the whatnot…so that’s a good first sign. Luckily the OB gave me the sample pack so I could test it out before committing to the big bottle O’ pills.
Looks like it’s going to be go time for these. I feel good, I feel committed, I feel like I can cope with these over any of the other prenatals I’ve taken in the past.
Really, it’s not so bad.
