The New Networking (sort of)
This morning I ran across this blog post at wakeuplater on networking. So I settled in to listen to someone else’s definition and opinion about my favorite subject. (I try very hard to always read other people’s opinions about my passion with an open mind. Very, very hard. It doesn’t always work out that way.) The post is called 5 mindsets to reshape your networking. It’s a good post, you should read it, enjoy it, and comment on it. (Just a suggestion…*grin*)
The mindset of my generation (18-34) is a cynical one — a mindset that desires authenticity and is skeptical of randomly nice people (after all, how many times has a “nice person” turned out to be selling insurance, CUTCO knives, or a spot in their MLM downline?).
I don’t know about you, but if you’re talking to genuinely nice people it shouldn’t matter if they’re in an MLM, because a genuinely nice person doesn’t mind hearing “No.” Also, most of the people who do the more interesting *cough*MLM*cough* jobs in this universe of ours tend to have a “numbers” attitude and they aren’t being genuinely nice.
Not being genuinely nice runs rampant at networking events…it can be scary.
What I think we’ve all seen is the person with the smile a tad too big, the eyes a bit too wide and engaging…that comes across as someone being a caricature of a very friendly person. With just a dash of psycho-potential-serial-killer thrown in for good measure. But why be cynical about them? I mean, if you have a business, are a freelancer, or even if you’re just trying to get a new job…you’re selling something too.
I have to say I’m a little disappointed there was no mention of a tip like “Stop being a judgmental ass, we’re all selling something. Now that we have that out of the way we can just be human.” I’d rather be at a networking meeting full of knife salesmen and insurance people and MLM folks that are really trying to hustle and really care about getting their next customer than some aloof person standing along looking over the crowd like they are peons to be dealt with rather than people to engage with.
That being said, this means you. If you go to a networking event and judge the cliques and play “point out the table of bankers” in your head instead of making a contact or walking up to someone and saying “hello” – you should just go home and work on what it is that makes you so insecure. Because the more insecure you are, the worse your networking skills are.
In my opinion there the most important mindset for networking is: Don’t be self-centered. (Very similar to Samuel’s advice at wakeuplater about zero-sum networking.) This includes the shy people who are afraid others won’t like them, that’s totally self-centered. It also includes the people who think that there are cliques and they can’t break into them. Thinking about you and not thinking about making the experience good for yourself and the other attendees…I mean….if you didn’t go there to have a good time, why did you go? You certainly knew better than to think you were going to walk in the door and everyone was going to shower you with rose petals and job offers. I hope.
Don’t see other people as utilities — see them (and treat them) as friends.
This is great advice, but a double-edged sword. Before you go out and treat everyone like they’re your friend, make sure you have your personal boundaries firmly in place. Social skills are not a common trait and you can’t rely on the person you’re having a conversation with to know that you don’t want to be asked about your mother, your dogs, or your cousin Rubin. They don’t know what your boundaries are, so you can’t treat them like you treat your best buddy from college. Even if they seem cool, don’t tell that one joke that makes people look at you shocked, not for a long time.
Business friendships start fast and have a short curve from initiation to intimacy (if done right) but they stop at a level before “real friend” status and plateau. You need to decide based on the factors you have available if you want to turn your business friend into a “real” friend, and if so how will that affect the business friendship.
My favorite line from the wakeuplater post:
Just relax, hold a normal conversation, and do what fits.
Once you have managed the ability to relax and hold a normal conversation at a networking event you are a pro!
Your initial goal should be to have just one relaxed, normal conversation one time at one event. Just once. Then once you have that you can hold on to that success to make it a little easier the next time, and a little easier the time after that…until you find that’s the only way you’re networking.
Your bank account will thank you, your social life will thank you. Your life will thank you for taking the time to become a more effective networker.
Technorati Tags: networking, wakeuplater, mindset, goals
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One Response to “The New Networking (sort of)”
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Yep – I’m a Joiner!
Can I just say that I love you more and more with each post.
Awesome advice!!
We all sell and we all know we each have something to offer (sell) so.. I’m with ya sistah!
Wendy